faintnot's frenzy

Sometimes It Just Happens that Way...

2011-08-21T17:00:00.000-07:00

Saw a picture the other day of the church we pastored years ago. It stood on a hill behind the only McDonald's in town. There was a crushed rock driveway up the back way...at a good angle. The only way up the front at the time was via the alley behind Micky D's or right through their parking lot.

It was a small church.

We started from scratch.

It grew to 100 after a few years.

Then...

the fall. Not mine but that doesn't matter. It affected all of us.

In a moment our whole world changed and the life we built there was over.

Friends were gone.

Fellowship gone.

We left rather quickly, three kids, some dogs, some prized possessions and a lot of shame.

I had always planned on going back one day to, well, close some doors and finalize some emotions.

The church is thriving, by the way...they are in a new building and they do great stuff. The pastors are awesome. They are faithful and true.

Last I heard they rented the old church to another body of believers...

I saw a picture the other day...they tore the church down.

Still out there where I belong...

2010-01-03T07:20:00.000-08:00

Friday past we were getting done with church in the park service. One of the men approached me with a box of random food...a bag of white rice, a jar of peanut butter, etc. You get the picture.

They had all dug in and taken what they needed and now the box was being presented to me so that what was left didn't go to waste. I was asked to give it to whoever needed it.

I am humbled at the realization that Jesus is working hard in their lives. They don't know it but they are all about to be changed, transformed, made new.

Hearts open wide, ready to share their food and not hoard it they way they were doing a year ago.

How unworthy I feel among these precious people. I hope I can remember to be like them in my time of need...kind, generous, real.

Angels in Uniforms Unaware (Handfuls of Purpose revisited)

2009-06-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

Michelle showed up for church-in-the-park yesterday. (I woke up this morning with her heavy on my heart. Had to pray for her. Had to weep). The others seemed to know her but I do not remember ever having seen her before. It is easy to notice the women who show up because there are always so few of them. Statistics say homeless men outnumber homeless women 10:1 here.
I should have taken a photo of Michelle and plastered it here. I should have. I didn't. If I see her again I will. You need to get her face in your heart.
I met her as she moved through the line. I didn't notice her sitting during service. She might have been out on the grassy area then. Not sure. She just showed up on the line and she was quite out of it. I thought maybe heroine cause she kept nodding, plate tilting, kind of stumbling along. She wasn't at all out of order, not loud, and quite polite. I lost sight of her after that.
It wasn't until we were leaving that she came into the picture again.
I looked around for Jimmy because I noticed his guitar was by me but he wasn't. I spotted him out a ways talking with an officer. The police patrol the park on a regular basis. They know we are there every Friday and they are all for us so we are used to them showing up. It is not unusual for Jimmy to be hanging with them and talking so I walked over to them with Jimmy's guitar in hand.
I heard the officer ask how Michelle was doing today. I heard Jimmy say that she wasn't doing to owell today. Then came the story:
He noticed her there today and stopped by to make sure she was alright. She has cancer and is dying. If she wants to spend her last days drinking that is okay with him (officer), he understands. He is just concerned that if she lingers in the park after we are gone that she might get stopped for public drunkeness and bothered with being patted down and the whole process of being fined or jailed. Could we please see to it that her friends take care of her and make sure she leaves the park with them so that she can be safe. He cares about her being okay. He would appreciate our help.
Jimmy and I said we would make sure and we did.
Michelle asked me to pray for her, something about surgery on her hand coming up. I asked her if she would like me to pray for her right now. She said no, just when I think of her this week. I promised I would.
Her picture should be here. The officer's face should be here to.
Her eyes say she is lost.
His eyes say she is loved.
I wish you could see what I saw.
I wish ...
God loves Michelle a lot.
He has angels out there watching out for her.
I don't even think that officer was aware of the part he is playing in this stuff of the Kingdom of God.
His hands were full of purpose that morning.
I have to believe there is a plan in the works for Michelle's salvation and well being.
Pray...

While I'm on the subject...

2009-04-10T21:11:00.001-07:00

Richard has been working on my small porch area. I got tired of the Bermuda grass from the common area creeping into the planter and taking over...got tired of pulling up grass from between the bricks that cover the floor.

I used to enjoy planting and tending. I don't anymore. Can't say why and I don't think its much more than just not having time anymore. But my life is good and filled with God stuff.

I digress. Richard pulled up an amazingly cool tree. I asked him to. It was going to die. It wasn't getting the sun it needed because the pine trees on the property were overshadowing it. It stopped producing berries and buds about a year ago. I loved how it bowed over the walkway. I digress again. Richard chopped it down for me and left this huge root for me to check out before he threw it out.

At one time there was a sprinkler system watering this tree. The tree grew around it and swallowed it up. Once again I see the strength and tenacity of life to go on. Once again I am sure that most would comment on the ruined sprinkler system while I stand and marvel at the determination of life to continue regardless, in spite of what is in its way.

Nothing could hold Jesus in the grave. Life can not be quenched, ever.

God's purposes will prevail.

Ah, He is so in control. He is so completely in control.

The sprinkler system didn't have a chance.

There is probably more to this story...I can feel it. Maybe later.

and the times, they are a changin'...

2009-04-04T22:17:00.000-07:00

It's just about that time of year again...when sprouting life pushes through the asphalt of the church parking lot. A year ago I wrote about brokenness being life forcing its way through our man made crustiness. We call parking lots in that condition 'broken', in terrible shape, a disgrace. I wonder why we can't look at a parking lot in this condition and call it a wonder. Why cant we call it a marvel because, once again, it proves that life pretty much works its way out no matter what has been trying to hold it down.
I say this hoping I will come to an understanding, a settling, a confidence in the fact that God is not going to be held down by my neediness to keep things as they are.

Change is inevitable and I am amazed at His timing.

He is absolutely in control.

And I am quite aware that I am not so dependant on things staying the same as I once was. I have come to the realization that it is in the changes and upheavals that I find God quite constant and steady.

Cant explain right now what is going on but I can tell you, after initial shock wears off, there is an excitement swelling up inside me....

Holy Spirit stuff is happening.

I am not going to miss out on it.

I will stay still and watch and listen.

God is on the move...can you sense it?

Reflections

2009-03-14T06:15:00.000-07:00

A year ago I posted on giving as an act of worship and I know this because I just happened to be reading the same passage this morning that caused me to think about this...

and now more than ever I find it most meaningful to be reading this. Deuteronomy 26 is the passage I am talking about.

They are about to enter the Promised Land, about ready to cross the Jordan. God is giving them their marching orders, how they are to conduct themselves as they cross, and as they live in the new land.

He gives a detailed instruction on what they should offer Him and how. It is the how that struck me a year ago. It strikes me again. Some lessons should never be forgotten.
As I bring my offerings, and in this passage it definitely involves money, well, produce then which translates into currency today unless a farmer is reading this. I have to be real here. This is not a chapter on singing songs, or donating our unwanted items, or anything like that. It comes down to money, our hard earned, never enough money.

As I bring my offerings, I am to recite, out loud, the history of God rescuing me from enemies, keeping me safe and sane, prospering me, saving me, and I should declare to Him what I am bringing to His table and that I have not used this offering, or any part of this offering for myself.

AND, I should be happy.

I can tell you, I rejoice over every offering...and have for the past 6 years. I rejoiced when I struggled to be faithful to this, and I rejoice that I can look back and say I have not lacked any good thing because of my giving.

BUT I mention all this to say that I have not been posting as much as I would like...

and I think I owe it all to my desire to live out my Jesus Life outside the walls of the church. Never did I realize it would consume me as it is.

There is much to do out there, people are wondering, longing, and starting to seek out what the Truth really is.

They are everywhere, these hungry ones, and hardly a day goes by that I do not have something to write about but fall asleep before it gets done.

I want to tell you all about it all...and I will. But not right now.

I am getting things ready for our outreach today at HV. About 30 kids will be there. And lately, some of the moms have been staying as well. We have been doing this for just past a year now. Once a month, on a Saturday, we set up in the apartment manager's reception area, make a mess with the kids, get in a quick object lesson, clean up and resume life. I love it.

We are gearing up for our big Spring Outreach the day before Resurrection Sunday. I will tell you all about it.

It is good to be outside the walls...and even greater to go back in every Sunday and celebrate with everyone what God is doing out there...

Amazing Grace...

2009-01-10T21:34:00.000-08:00

Someday I might just figure out why I had to live out a few things this past week. One of them was a polygraph test for a job. Never done that before...never will again.

It has bothered me more than I thought it would. Not telling the truth, that didn't bother me, but telling the truth about stuff under the Blood, and feeling guilty and condemned and ashamed all over again...it knocked the wind right out of me. Maybe it should have. Maybe we forget all too soon what pit we have been rescued from.

Now I do not recommend dwelling on where we all came from. Talk about guaranteed despair! But it would be wise to do an inventory once in a great while and remind ourselves how wretched we are without Jesus. How wretched indeed. I remembered and talked about things I have never spoken out loud. Horrible! Awful! Disgusting!

My God is not surprised. He knows what I was. He knows what He has wrought in me. While the experience of talking to a stranger about my past was so very difficult it brought me to a new knowledge of "Amazing Grace". His grace over me is amazing, nothing short of a miracle. Stepping out of the building and into the sunshine brought me to tears. I was undone. Wretched, poor, blind, miserable, naked, UNDONE.

Which only proves to me that I had started to think way too much of myself.

I would not want to relive that polygraph ever, but I did realize how out of perspective my life had become.

I am no different than anyone else. As a matter of fact I can state honestly that I am worse than many. But God has done a great thing. God is working in me both to will and to do His good pleasure. He who began a good work in me is completing it and will continue to do so until Jesus comes.

I am a little sick in my stomach still. Embarrassed about a past that is redeemed.

It is good to be one of His, paid for, bought, saved, secure, it is good...

...Amazing grace

how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see...

Time Flies!

2008-12-28T20:09:00.000-08:00

A month has passed since my last post...and along the way there were quite a few things I wanted to share. But as with most thoughts, if I wait too long they seem to go there own way to somewhere I do not know

I can tell you that there is something new everyday in the Kingdom that I get to witness. Some of it is just for me, stuff that takes me closer to Him. I have come to love those private little sessions with God that happen for no apparent reason. Life is happening and then, all of a sudden, there He is, showing me something, whispering which way to go.

About mid December my friend Rosie and her husband decorated the church for Christmas. I was at HV for our big Christmas event with the kids there. There were some Christmas trees and then, right behind the trees, was a big cross. It stood taller than the trees. I liked it. I liked being reminded that the reason He was born was to die. I like when life gets put back into perspective for me.

Christmas eve morn I was reading the Word according to the schedule I am on. It is kind of great, this devo time, and I have just completed my first year being faithful to a reading plan. It has really forced me to look at parts of the Word that I probably wouldn't have selected myself. Anyway, I digress. Christmas eve morn it dawned on me that I was at the end of the gospel of John. There it was, that cross again, right in the middle of Christmas. I do not think that I was ever more aware of His end at His beginning as I had become this year.

He was born to die, willingly, for me, for more than me. For more than you. It is a huge picture and I just get glimpses of how very big it is once in a while.

We serve a great God.

Heather, she was a homeless one and used to come and eat at Friday-morning-church-in-the-Park. She has a young baby. They would come and sometimes I would get to help her carry her plates because she was carrying her baby. At the Christmas event at HV I just happened to see her there. She gave me a big hug, she didn't know I did stuff over there. We were both surprised to see each other there. She just got housing there. She isn't homeless anymore.

Kelly is another happy story. Kelly has been with us for over a year now. He is homeless. He comes for lunch and service and is, for the most part, a loner. His foot was terribly infected this past summer and he wouldn't get the help he needed because he knew if they operated on his foot he wouldn't be able to survive out in the desert not being able to get around to get food and shade. So we prayed with him. We prayed for the Lord to heal his foot and for there to be away for him to get the help he needs without being stranded. Just recently he told us that the prayer worked. Not only was his foot getting better but there was a place on the other side of town that would fix his foot, get his diabetes under control, and give him a place to stay till they got his health back . He was so grateful. He smiled! Kelly doesn't smile. He did that day. And he knew it was the Lord who did it. I am so glad he told us all about it. Like Heather, Kelly is family and we really do need to know that God is moving in there lives, on their behalf. That what we are doing is what He would have us do.

When I started blogging I did not know where God was leading me, but I knew I was facing big changes. You all in blog land were so very encouraging. I know that getting all my thoughts down outside of me and your input along the way has enriched my life.

I am looking forward to this coming year and what God will be doing in us and through us. It will be a good year, a big year, with purpose and potential. We have this awesome opportunity to get out there and be the church we want the church to be. May our hands be filled with His Purpose in all we do.

Thanks again for being apart of my world this past year and allowing me to be apart of yours.

On this damp, gray, Thanksgiving morn...

2008-11-27T06:30:00.000-08:00

As I sit here at the table waiting for the coffee to brew I can smell the rain in the air. It is gray today, and wet, and I am home this morning, and that is good.
Just a few minutes ago I was lying in bed talking to my Lord. We were going over the things I have found to be profound in my life this past year. We were discussing what I am thankful to Him for.

I am thankful that He is the first voice I hear most mornings and the last I hear at night. I am thankful for the grace He allows me to walk in, not only for myself but through me for others.

And not only grace but mercy and compassion. I am thankful for this new heart of mine that break easily for others now; for a sound mind which is so much easier to live with than the old one.

I love breathing, I love taking in cold, crisp, autumn air. I love letting it go. I thank Him for air and lungs and clear, crisp mornings.

I thank Him for my family. What an honor to be able to see them grow and change and continue to always love me and God; and for the body of Christ that He has placed me in, and pastors I can call friends, a safe place, comfortable when I am with them and they celebrate with me when I go out to the places You send me. They love what God is doing and are happy to let me go. I love coming back though.

I thank Him for teaching me to value the relationships that have come my way this year.

Thank you, Lord. Because of Your Presence in this life of mine I am safe, and calm, and comfortable with who I am (isn't that a miracle in itself, Lord?) and thank You, Lord, my God for being my confidant and allowing me to be one of Yours.

It has been an honor to serve You. I am amazed. I am more than okay. Thank You!

meet my friends...

2008-11-14T07:19:00.000-08:00

<-- street ministry at HV.

Tangentral Mind is a good friend of mine. He is new to blogworld. Stop by his place and visit awhile...and let him know you were there. One of my saddest reads lately has been over at Today with a Mission. Sad because Rhymes will not be posting for awhile and his stuff is awesome. Visit there and see what he has posted in the past. Ruth is another I visit on a regular basis. TAlk about being out there beyond the church building walls making a difference...she has my heart. And she could sure use some help keeping her building warm during the coming cold Canadian winters. Read her post...maybe the Lord would have you do something for her.

There are others I visit as well, but for now, the above come to mind. I trust God there is a reason for His bringing these to the forefront...we will see. Be back shortly with another day in the life of me.

How to dress like the Daughter of a King for under $30.00

2008-11-11T15:14:00.000-08:00

Where do I begin with the story about S. We met almost two years ago when we both started doing Church in the Park. I came to serve, she came to eat. At first she would hardly talk to anyone. She never smiled. She slept in empty trailers and mobile homes around the city.
As time has gone on she has come to trust us and we have spent many Friday mornings laughing and joking and praying for her mother and her pregnant sister. She loves us now. We love her.
Just recently she has moved back home but still comes for church and lunch every week.
Not too long ago she was sad again. She handed me a police report. I thought she had been arrested or something like that. No. She had been attacked and they found her assailant and jailed him. She was afraid. She was humiliated. He touched her...Let me explain about S....she thinks like a child. She is an adult but she is a child inside. She broke down and cried, terrified at what had happened to her.

Then, the next couple of weeks she seemed to forget about the whole ordeal and was happy again.
Two weeks ago she came with another piece of paper...a subpoena to testify against this jerk. She was petrified and didn't want to face her attacker.
I couldn't blame her, could you?
It was just that morning I struggled with putting $30.00 in my pocket. I don't usually have cash on me ever. It keeps me from spending money that I do not need to be spending. But that morning I put the cash in my pocket.
Back to S....she was terrified and as we were parting for the day she cried because she didn't have anything to wear to court.
I gave her the money. I wouldn't usually do that. I would usually take someone to the store and buy what they needed and leave it at that but because of our schedules, both hers and mine that was just not going to happen.
She promised to use it for an outfit. And she did. We, all the women there got around her and we asked the Lord to go before her in that courtroom and He did.
Because last Friday she came to Church in the Park and was beaming. There she was, Black skirt, bright pink button down shirt, and to top it all off she had the cutest pair of black and pink ballet slippers.
She said, "Guess what?"
"What?" we all said.
"This is my new outfit!" said she.
"You look beautiful!" said I.
"Guess what?" said she.
"What?"
"I didn't have to testify!"
She went on to explain that when she got to court and they guy saw her he plead guilty.
"Who did that for you, S?" we said.
"Jesus?" she asked.
"Yes, Jesus did just what we asked Him to do for you when we all prayed together."
She just smiled.
What a glorious day. God, our God out there under the gazebo taking care of such a motley crew as we all are. Imagine that.
There it is... a day in the life of me...getting to watch God as He touches the lives around me.
Church of Acts alive and well under the trees on a Friday morning.

Just stopping by on my way...

2008-11-02T16:27:00.000-08:00

November 2nd started with a breeze...so summer is over, finally. It seemed long this year. It probably wasn't but I thought the heat would never go away.

So, have you tried travelling outside your comfort zone yet? Have you dared yourself to reach out where you would otherwise, in a different time, turn your eyes away? Just wondering.

I finally figured out that more than most things I desire, is the desire to see other believers get out and dare to be wrong, to allow God to make them brave, to Just do it!

To listen to His promptings and go with it.

I guess it would be easier for some if they really really knew that this is not a test and you cannot fail. Your attempt to step outside the walls of your comfort zone is His opportunity to live through you and touch the world.

I've got to go...I just wanted to stop by here and let you all know I think about you often and have just been too busy for my own good.

Drop a line and let me know you how you are faring out there in the world that needs Him...
more to come soon... if I could just catch my breath ;)

Trampolines, What if?s, and Hunger

2008-10-03T15:03:00.000-07:00

The following email conversation occurred the day following an evening of powerful conversation between a mom, her son, and his friends concerning truth and trampolines,'and the 'what if?' questions they had been exploring; and God's intrusion into that conversation in the form of a homeless one walking by the restaurant window. Even though the conversation was heated, intense, and engaging, without saying a word to each other we knew what had to be done for this intrusion on the other side of the window---

The conversation turned into a most beautiful choreographed ballet as I pushed my wrapped sandwich toward my son who in turn left the restaurant with it and delivered it to the man as the man picked up a broken plastic utensil and stood there wondering if it was something he could eat.
We were waiting on God that night. Though we were entrenched in conversation our eyes were on the man watching and waiting to see what God would have us do without me knowing that what was going on inside of me was going on inside of Jimmy as well.

Mama: Just had to stop what I was doing to tell you I love you and appreciate the conversation last night. God did something but I am not sure what is was, not enough to put in words, anyway.
First: I got to thinking about trampolines, and here is what I have to share…before I forget what I was thinking. Trampolines have legs. The legs are the very things that enable us to bounce around. If you mess with the legs people get hurt real bad. The legs cannot be tampered with in any way…they are designed to hold the trampoline in the air. There are no what ifs concerning the legs. They just are and you have to have faith that the legs hold you up or you will never even get on the trampoline in the first place.
I think, as an older person, legs are a comfort to me and I appreciate their sturdiness. When old people break bones it is very difficult for those old bones to heal so we tend to appreciate those sturdy old legs. But you, and Danny have youth on your side. The legs are taken for granted a little bit because it is so fun to fly in the air and there is so much to discover out there. We both are talking about the trampoline but my discovery is that we are interested in its different parts.
Second: and here is what God is pleased with, not the conversation, but that the conversation did not get in the way of the both of us noticing the man and hearing from Him that he was needing food and giving him that food. I am blessed to be on this journey with you. I am truly blessed. Thank you, Mama

Son: Totally, and in our hearts we are examining the legs to see if what we are relying on, is in fact the most sturdy, most flat foundation.
I know that right now we’re having a good time flying and sometimes we do get broken, but in our brokenness is where God does most of His work.
When bone breaks, it heals stronger, I know that when we’re older it’s harder to heal, and things hurt longer, but I think even though we don’t see the need to fly anymore, it can’t be because we’re afraid of getting hurt, or to think that the pain isn’t worth the revelation, sometimes we use trampolines to lay down on and gaze at the stars. And that’s a good fun thing as well, if that’s what you and God are doing that night. It’s the willingness to get up and jump if someone comes along and needs to experience the flying sensation that matters.
You might not ever need to because you have people around you that are willing to fly (Danny and I) ha-ha. And we in return need to be willing to stop, lie down, and spend the night looking at the stars with the Creator.
I love you too mama, ha-ha always and forever. J

Mama: Yes, I think what I am trying to say is: I still fly, but not as high, and I know the legs will hold me. And…I lie down and look up at the stars too and I love watching you fly knowing I have checked the legs and they will hold your weight! Mama

Another Fried Chicken Adventure...

2008-09-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

I was running a bit late for Friday-Morning-Church-in-the-Park so I raced into the Food4less to pick up the Fried Chicken we ordered. I must have had a determined, get this done, walk because the lady in the Deli asked if I was here to pick up the chicken. Actually she said something like, “You look like someone who is here to pick up 50 pieces of chicken.” Yes, I said. She proceeded to hand me the already prepared box of chicken and asked me what I was going to do with it. I told her about the church service we have every Friday for the homeless ones. She was very interested and excited to hear what that was all about.
Nothing we do has a single purpose. It didn’t matter that I was running late. This is what I am learning: to be ready and willing to: be late, miss out, be tired, be disappointed, etc. in the event that God has placed me in front of one of His. Divine connections. Handfuls of purpose. Always watching, expecting, and anticipating His movement and His interception.
Jolene is her name. She shared that and a few other things about herself in those few minutes we talked. She thought the church service in the park was a great idea. She had been homeless, her and her two kids. They never had to sleep in the dirt, she said. They did spend some nights on buses to avoid the dirt. Mostly they found other people to take them in. Then she got this job behind the deli counter and her whole life changed. She said the Lord was really looking out for her and the two kids. Her daughter is now in college and her son is in honors classes at the High School.
She used to go to the church I now go to when she was 11 years old. She used to pop into a Bible Study on a street I used to live on. Thirty years ago. Imagine that! She described the couple who hosted it. Ron and Judy, pastors of my church now were my neighbors on that street. They had Bible studies at their house back then. She wants to come to church Wednesday night.
And maybe she will. I know one thing…I will be visiting her at the deli counter from time to time. Stuff like that does not happen just to happen, you know?
There’s a big car show downtown. You can always tell when some big event is happening down town. The service in the Park is always small. The homeless ones usually get put in jail for the weekend so as not to offend the tourists that come. There were only about 35 this Friday. But the fried chicken was good, and there was plenty for everyone to take baggies filled with chicken legs for later.

It's still hot here in the desert. You would think it wouldn't be so this late in September. But it is. But soon the weather will cool and we will need to get them blankets and scarves and hats and gloves.

We have been knit together by His hand and I curiously await to understand what will become of all this.

Another Friday...all is well!

2008-08-02T06:14:00.000-07:00

Another hot Friday morning. Pastors Dave & Jimmy along with Kristina, Erin and others were out of town for the week. We who were in town gathered beneath the trees while some moms and their children used the gazebo. Connie said they would be done by 11:15 which was perfect for us. Pastor Richard came today by request since we were so shorthanded. He had never been before.
The police came, too. Someone had called them out to the park. They knew we met there every Friday and thought maybe we were in trouble. They were great and let us know they were there for us if we ever needed them. We asked them to stay for lunch but they had to go. Pretty cool picture to see us and some of the homeless ones and the police all standing around smiling and laughing and talking together.
One of the things I am learning out here is that there really isn't any "us vs. them". There is definitely no room for that. They are in the struggle of their lives and we have to be willing to reach out to them. Notice I did not qualify who "they" are. I am learning that "they" are anyone without Christ, whether they are wearing a uniform or digging through the garbage to find food to eat. "They" are who we once were.
A short time later the Director of Parks came by. It started out to be a tense situation but that ended well, praise God!
Pastor Dell taught from the Word. Six men knelt with him and Pastor Richard to receive Christ and give their lives to Him. The enemy stirred up some trouble but God's plan was not thwarted!
I tell you, it is absolutely amazing to be watching all this and it is not just the homeless ones who God is speaking to. Pastor Richard said he will bring some hats for these guys next Friday. Pastor Dell who has been with us for a few months now had never dreamed he would be preaching and loving on these homeless ones is now ministering five days a week all over town. Said he can't help it, he doesn't want them to go to hell after living hell on earth. They love him dearly. Pastor Dell is a big guy, former biker, hard core Marine guy. These guys bring him to his knees. They all sang "happy birthday" to him today.
I don't know, I just don't know where this is going. I am rambling today. Don't want to forget anything I guess.
All of who I am is being gently unraveled by Him- opinions, ideas, agenda, motives are all being shown for what they really are deep inside me. It doesn't hurt, there is no struggle, grave clothes come off best if removed slowly and gently. Like Lazarus I stand before Him, once dead, now alive; If I don't resist, I will be unwound shortly.

Crazy Stuff!

2008-07-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

Some days you just get by. Some days you just have to be okay with standing your ground. Some days you just don't get why you do the things you do. Some days you just don't feel like you are involved in 'ministry' but in war. And that we are. Some days we don't see it. Some days we do. Friday was one of those difficult days. The demons were out. Women foaming at the mouth and screaming vulgarities during the worship. Just two women really. They weren't even friends. They weren't even egging each other on. It was as if they didn't know each other were there. Crazy stuff. One of our regulars, Amanda, who less than a year ago was very hostile to us, was the only one who could handle the lady with the red top. She was stone cold drunk. Falling over. Cussing. Angry. Amanda would take her by the arm and drag her to the grass area and leave her there. Lady with the red top would eventually find her way back to the gazebo. Amanda would have to remove her. The others, the regulars who come to not only eat but have their church service, kept moving away from her. They complained that they couldn't hear the preaching. Imagine that! Just when you think it is all falling apart someone says something that re-establishes why you are doing what you are doing. They wanted to hear. They consider this their church and they don't like it when someone, even one of their own, interferes. Crazy stuff.
The other lady, Susan, started to caused some trouble. Hissing hatred under her breath. Jimmy prayed, Susan started to foam at the mouth. She was demonized for sure. Her eyes were fixed on Jimmy but he prayed and she disappeared when I wasn't looking. We were all on our toes. Praying with our eyes open. Making sure each other was alright.
Ted preached. His innocence during all this havoc saved him. He had no choice but to allow God to move through him. It was amazing to see the love of God pour out of him toward the very ones who were causing him and us so much trouble. It didn't do much for the ones coming against all of us but wow, it was something to watch all the others watch him treat them all with such respect and yet continue to share the Word. All I knew to do was to move around the gazebo til I was standing across from Ted so that he could focus on me and not be too distracted. I prayed under my breath for the Lord to do what He set out to do. That the enemy should not be allowed to get in the way of anyone's salvation or healing.
Saturday, was the community cleanup at the apartments I have Bible study at. Thirty of us met and swept rocks, raked, etc. lady in the red top showed up, sober, with two others from Fridays service. She did not recognize me. We worked side by side, her and I. We got along fine. Jimmy was at the other end of the property. We didn't know what to make of it. Doug brought them and he has been a Rock in their lives for some time now.
Sunday, during worship, in walks Doug with lady in the red top and her husband. She remembered me from the day before. Pastor asked everyone to get into small groups to pray at the end of the service. Lady with the red top just happened to be near me so she and I and another woman took hands and prayed. All I can say is, as I listened to the prayer that flowed out of me for her I was fully aware of God's hand on her life. The love and mercy that went out to her was so amazing. Prayer ended and I thanked her for all her hard work the day before. She told me she was homeless. I told her I knew that, that I am at the Friday morning church in the Park every Friday, that I had seen her there. She said she was so ashamed. I hugged her and prayed that God would take her shame away. She left with tears. I stayed with tears.
Divine connections, handfuls of purpose. A second in the timeline of man intercepted by the Hand of God and I got to be there to see.
Nothing we do is for nothing. Nothing we do should be for nothing. Everything we do should be ordered by the Lord. When all hell breaks loose you can be sure God is on the move and His Feet are kicking up dust wherever He goes. Think about it, think about all you do as routine every day and think about how easy it is for the Lord to step in at any time and touch a heart, heal a mind, set someone free.
Not one resident came to their own community clean up saturday. Not one. BUT three homeless people did knowing there was nothing in it for them. Nothing is for nothing anymore.

Friday morning Church-in-the-Park

2008-07-12T07:12:00.000-07:00

Friday-morning-Church-in-the-Park during the summer can be quite unbearable for those of us who have homes and cars with air conditioning. Two hours in the park, even tho' we are under the gazebo and out from under the sun, really wears on us. Fourth of July proved this to be true. There was a haze that the sun shone through and it seemed to magnify the heat. The air was oppressive and it was hard to move at any normal speed. 115 degrees is just plain hot no matter how you look at it.

The homeless ones know how to live out here. They are still. They don't talk much
They appreciate shaded areas and stay in them.

The rec centers here have opened up their doors during the hot hours of the day and provide cold water and a cool place to hang.
Mostly they just find shade. None of them are really comfortable following rules. None of them feel like others want them around. So they like to stay outside where they don't feel trapped.

Yesterday it was not as hot. A group of them sat under a tree while we worshiped and the pastor shared. The others, around 40 of them sat under the gazebo. Barney was there.
Barney is a quiet guy and we always see him sitting on a bench reading when we are on the main street of our town. He reads a lot, stays pretty much to himself. Loves to talk about sports though. Barney will tell sport stories as long as you will stick around and listen. And he is always sober.

'Til today. For the first time in over two years Barney came to service drunk. It kind of caught me off guard. There are a few who will always come drugged out or drunk. But Barney?
I started to think that we are not having an effect on these homeless ones. I started to question why we are still there.
But not for long. It doesn't matter.
What does matter is that we know we are supposed to be faithful to be there every Friday no matter what.
Rain or shine, heat or cold, drunk or sober, friendly or angry, we need to be about our Father's business.
What is so very interesting is the effect this whole church service is having on the people who come to help serve....how their whole insides are being turned around as they realize how judgemental they have been and how God is teaching them to just be servants and see each of them the way God see all of us...helpless without Him, hopeless without the Holy Spirit to live a life acceptable to God. And by being there we are all learning what love really is; yes they have to be fed. Yes they need sunscreen and water and chap stick. And yes, we are to supply all of that. But that is not the goal, that is not the end of it. The goal is to see them find Jesus, and for them to start to understand they are loved, and valuable, and have a purpose, that is the goal.

And then there was Light...(brokenness continued)

2008-06-29T05:38:00.000-07:00

II Corinthians4:6-7 says,

" For it is God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone
in our hearts to give
the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But
we have this treasure in earthen vessels..."

The God of Genesis Who commanded "Let there be light" and by His great power our universe began to form; this universe that scientists and scholars spend back-breaking hours to understand and explain; started with light...Before the sun, moon, and stars, God spoke light into its place and set it in time and gave it a name: day!

He did the very same thing in our hearts. Out of dark hearts God commanded light and a whole new universe (the born-again me) began to unfold. And with that light is this concept of 'earthen vessels', 'clay pots' if you will; that we might never think this light comes from our own selves but only from the God of all creation.

The earthen pots were used to cover the torches of Joshua, but that is not what impacted the battle. It was the breaking of the pots to reveal the light of the torches that caused panic and surrender!!!

In me is a light created by God. God is light. Unless I allow who I am to crack apart no one will ever see that light. My relationship with God must produce cracks and holes...and it will if I stop trying to fix me. My wholeness is not about the putting together of a tidy outer shell but it is in allowing the Lord to shine through me - a common vessel.

The light is what will stop others in their tracks. That light is what will bring others to their knees. That light will bring others to Salvation. Not me, not the vessel, but the light.

So often I find myself gluing and taping the cracks, thinking I am doing well. Then He reminds me of what I am and Who He is. He reminds me that at a certain point in battle it is time for Him to crack the pots and allow the light, His light, to penetrate the darkness. That is how darkness is overcome.

My prayer is that I may know Him more and more, that when it is time for cracks and holes I don't panic, I don't resist...more of Him, less of me, amen.

Brokenness

2008-06-21T20:31:00.000-07:00

The parking lot by the church on the corner is old. The parking space lines can barely be seen anymore. There are small hills and valleys made by roots from trees that are not close enough to even be seen.

If you drive by just before sundown, when the sun's light is coming at you almost horizontally you can see it. You can see the cracks in the pavement. They are everywhere.

Time and heat and cold and roots have done this.

The parking lot is broken.

But, if you drive by just before sundown, you know, when the light is coming at you almost horizontally you can see more than just the cracks...grass and weeds are growing up through those cracks.

The life that had been hidden and pressed down and buried beneath the tar and asphalt is re-emerging.

Brokenness- it sounds like a negative...

but in the Kingdom it is inevitable. That asphalt and tar covered the earth and its life the way a callous covers a toe, the way crusty old stone stuff covers our hearts.

Until the Lord comes and starts the process of cracking us the life remains hidden beneath that grotesque stuff we have used to 'protect' us for so long.

I love the parking lot by the church...it reminds me of my heart and even though the stuff of life has hammered away at it, I get to see the life that has been hidden for so long coming up through the cracks reaching toward the sun. What had been hidden underneath was no good to anyone until it broke through the cracks...

My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give
praise. ~Psalm 57:7
O God, my heart is fixed; I will sing and give praise, even with
my glory. ~Psalm 108:1
Surely he shall not be moved for ever: the righteous shall be in
everlasting remembrance. He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is
fixed, trusting in the Lord. ~Psalm 112:6&7

...Now I will arise. (Psalm 12.5)

2008-06-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

We walked the property of HVillage on Thursday evening recently. Bible study at Gloria's had been cancelled. Gloria was not feeling well. I couldn't stay home so I went over to the Village anyway, not really knowing what to do. After walking around the property for a time just kind of talking to the Lord about what I am doing there, and if maybe this time is over, maybe I should move on to the next place...

I called Tracy and she came to meet me there. We walked and talked and prayed over the place. After a time we ran into one of the moms that live there. She was outside with the baby watching her older ones play. She doesn't venture far from her doorstep, neither do her children. She grew up in this place and now she finds herself living there as a mom. She knows what goes on around here and she is careful to watch where her kids are every minute.

We sat and visited for a while and talked. She had lots of questions, but mostly her questions were about God and was He going to forgive her for some things she had done. She especially wanted to know if God could forgive her for having an abortion. It is bothering her greatly.

That was a week ago....this past Friday at our Park gathering for the homeless ones, I met Sue. I've never seen her before. She is a slight woman, short pixie style hair, icy blue eyes, and thin. She had an accident while she was at the park and was mortified. One of the other serving women took her home, let her shower and gave her a change of clothes. Now here she comes, down the food line toward me. As she holds the plate in her hand the tears come. She says she doesn't want to eat...just can't. Kristina lets Sue know its all right, we all understand. Sue just lets the tears fall. Her plate tips. I take it and offer to carry it back to where ever it is she is sitting.
She has picked a table far from everyone else. It is under a tree. As I sat with her and tried to make some sense of her sadness she turned to me and her sorrow turns to torment as she cries out, "Can God forgive me?, Can He really forgive me?"
I told her that He already has but she was in a strange place, not really hearing anything outside her own torment.
"But", she said, "I've done some really, really bad things. Will He forgive me even if I had abortions?" "Yes", I said, "He already has".
"But..."

Her torment penetrated me to the core. I recognized it. Her desperate place scared me, and all I know is if you don't reach past the torment, if you sit in it and don't grab at the anchor of hope someone is holding out to you you drown.
Sue is in a strange place, for soon after this moment passed, she started to talk about getting baptized and as tormented as she was a second ago she was now elated to the sky.

I think that I didn't reach Sue and I struggle to understand what part I play in all this...What am I doing out here where the pain screams at you as you pass by. Out here where insanity is not hidden, and anger sizzles deep within some of these hearts. I do not know what good I do...but lately I get the feeling that I can't be in any other place.
Russ is still an alcoholic who weeps at the mention of the Lord. Russ loves Jesus dearly. But not enough to walk away from his first love. I don't see some folks anymore who used to come regularly.
And it has been hot, summer in the desert is here once again.
B's birth certificate finally came and now he can get some work. We will see.

I am struck by the two women from two different places both crying out about what they've done. Both lost in the maze of guilt and shame and pain. Both reaching toward a God who they really do not think can handle what they have done.
Jesus came for these ones. Jesus is here. They don't see it yet but He is. He is very near. I want to be there when they finally recognize Him and get it, get that He is greater than their greatest sin, that He has a place for them, that they have value.
So, this journey continues...I take steps, one by one, not really knowing where exactly it is I am going. But very aware that I am walking where I should be.
Kingdom stuff...

He holds the whole world in His Hands...

2008-05-31T07:24:00.000-07:00

Found this over at Happy's site and it is AMAZING... Thank you my friend! It is worth every second of your time and I hope it blesses you the way it did me.

Let me know what you think...

Life goes on...

2008-05-24T17:59:00.000-07:00

With the entrance of my first grandchild into this world I thought I would take a moment to introduce my family...

In my previous post you already met my son, Jimmy and my son-in-law Kevin.

The first picture is of (l. to r.) Leah, Jimmy, Bekah, and new member Lily Elizabeth. Then comes me and Lily (it was a long day) and then, Daddy Tyson and Lily.

There you have it...

Much has been going on, good good things really. There has not been much time to write. But I should be back up and running shortly. Later...

Posts around Blogtown worthy of some time...

2008-05-18T05:43:00.000-07:00

Shaun , a dear friend of Bekah and Tyson, my daughter and son-in-law has written an incredible post inspired by his having to wait with all of us as Bekah and Tyson's first child was coming into this world a few weeks ago. He and God spent time together, and this was wise, for as you can see the other members of my family decided to be creative with surgical gloves while waiting. We all handle waiting differently. Waiting for babies to come, school to end, for a word from the Lord, all have their stresses...silly, tho', to stress...babies come, school ends, and the Lord speaks... all in their perfect time...thanks, Shaun, for words well written.
Today at the Mission has been posting some incredible thoughts here, and here, and here. This last one led me to a post titled First Church of the Blue Haze over at sgworship.
One of my favorites is over at The Stink is Here. Her post on Spare Change was quite an eyeopener for me. She is my daughter, Leah and what I loved about it was the conversation that took place between her, me, and my son Jimmy in the comments section. We probably would never have had this conversation outside of Blogtown. I am glad we took the time to stop and discover eachother.

Please disregard the dates on the pictures...i only just learned that i had to be the keeper of the time...technology, go figure!

For those who glory in their doubting...

2008-04-28T20:15:00.000-07:00

If I could tell you anything that I thought would be significant it would be this...you are wasting time trying to intellectualize God...the Bible tells the Truth. We do worship Jesus and it is right, there is sin and it has definition and it separates us from the Father. There is a hell and it is horrible, it was never meant for humans but we choose to travel there. God of the Old Testament is the God of the New. The Law is good , Grace is better, but we live by both. Now the Law is written in our hearts and we don't try to do it, we become it lived out in the world where it wll mean something...others are watching us...they want to know if this Jesus stuff is real...we have turned Him into a laughingstock as we 'ponder' and 'suppose' and 'discuss logically' the pros and cons of believing in Him...this is not honest, it is not righteous.

There is no denying that Jesus made claims that stood the hair of the Political and the Religious community on end...He made claims that bring us to the conclusion He is either God or mad. There is no middle ground.
And if the God we serve is so small as to allow His word to be corrupted then we do not serve the Living God for He has kept His Word. The Bible is the most backed up reliable source of any text in the world and men still wonder at it's stability.

I love Him. I love that He is not affected by the conversations I have been reading lately. I love that His Purpose and Plan for this world will come to pass in spite of our foolishness.

Time is short, I grow weary with the ones who have stepped away from 'the church' and have turned into the very thing they hate.

But I cannot stop reading their posts, for I love them you see, and there are others that I have grown so fond of...and I pray they give in to Him, and serve Him alone, and come to know the Jesus that I know...Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Savior, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Shepherd, Lamb of God, Bread of Life, The Word, the Light of the world, the Baptizer in the Holy Spirit, the Soon and Coming King, the Healer, the Alpha and the Omega, Beginning and the End, my God and Savior, my Comforter, my Master...
I love You, Lord...

The Call

2008-04-21T06:01:00.000-07:00

I am not sure what it is exactly that I am called to be doing...I do not know the particulars. But over and over again I hear the call to be under gazebos, out in parks, in the sun and the rain. Have you heard it as well?
Last night, during a worship service, when thinking about what the call is on our lives I saw it. I saw the gazebo where church is on Friday mornings and I saw the look on the faces of the homeless ones when they were being caught up in the air to meet Jesus. They had looks on their faces that expressed joy and wonder at the realization that they were okay, that their wildest hopes of being accepted by God were true. What joy and wonder on those crusty, wrinkled faces. I was filled, truly filled to the brim as I stood in the pew. My heart is out there, somewhere under a gazebo.
Oh to be in His Presence as I walk this earth. O to do what He calls us to. O to just be in the realest of realities, living life in the Kingdom, under the authority of the King, reaching the lost, speaking truth into their lives and establishing a good hope in them and in me.

The Altar

2008-04-19T08:19:00.000-07:00

Genesis 33:20- Then he erected an altar there and called it El Elohe Israel (God, the God of Israel).
Up until this point Jacob (now named Israel) has referred to the Lord as the
God of "Someone Else." HE has been the God of Abraham, the God of my father, the Fear of Isaac, etc. Through the years of struggling through his commitments to Laban, even when deceived, somewhere during that time his character was being formed; but not until he struggled all night with God and prevailed did he ever refer to God as being his (Israel's). Now he builds an altar and declares that God is his God as well. He saw God. There it is, that necessary personal encounter with God and now Israel is His!
There seems to always have to be that One on one, Face to face encounter with God that establishes a relationship of 'servant under Almighty'. It is a struggle and a wrestling match to give in to the Truth. It was a struggle with the Lord when I was first saved. There have been other struggles...wrestlings with loyalties and devotions to the wrong things or persons.
Israel called God his God that day. O that all my confrontations with the Lord always end with Him still on His Throne over me.

Pockets of Purpose

2008-04-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

When I walked into the Bike shop I have to admit, I felt a little uneasy. Though I had met Kenny and Jen a few times before I had never stopped by to check out their church...a planting of the Lord...right smack dab in a bike shop on a highway. By the time we started there were 25 or so there. Worship began...Helen led with no instruments and a raspy deep voice. There I was, among leather and chains and remnants of cigarette smoke and....I felt at home. Did I fit into their social life? No, can't say that I did, but, we all had one thing in common....we were all there because we love what Jesus has done for us and want to be more like Him in a world that is dying.
I brought Tracy the next week. She does street church in another part of town down the highway some. HUH was there, he is pastor of a Bike club. It seems that there are these pockets of ministry all over this town. And it is very, very neat how God is bringing us all together. Kenny and Huh went to check out Tracy's gathering last Thursday night. They all walked the neighborhood and prayed. They were all blessed that they now know each other. I met HUH at the Friday morning church in the park with the homeless ones. Now I meet up with him at Kenny's. HUH has a group that meets down the road in the back of a beauty shop. I have a gathering at a lady's house over in the Section 8 apartments tucked at the edge of the desert. Lots of moms and babies over there. Women struggling to survive.
So, now, there are these preachers who are discovering they are not alone in this town and I am excited to see what God is going to do with a motley crew like us...

Death by Opinion

2008-04-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

John 10:33 ~ The Jews answered Him saying, "For a good work we do not stone You, but for blasphemy, and because You, being a man, make Yourself God."

Their own scriptures taught what Messiah would accomplish. They knew what to watch for. But the veil over their eyes kept them from allowing what they knew to connect with who Jesus really was. He wasn't appearing in the exact way they thought He would and, so, could not (would not) allow themselves to reckon with what they were seeing and hearing. Their cheese was being moved and they refused to accept it. They could not say in their hearts, 'maybe I've been wrong'.
I do myself a great injustice when I set my own opinions as law over reality. All things have to be subjected to the Word and to the fulfilment of that Word. And, I must understand and pray for those who are trapped in living the way those in John 10:31-42 lived- loving darkness more than Truth.
I don't ever want to settle for less than the miraculous, less than the excellent, less than the Truth in any area. Lord, lift any veil that covers my eyes and Lord, lift the veil of those we are trying to reach.

More on worship...

2008-03-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

Worship: (shachah) - To bow low.
Deuteronomy 26:1-19: (the Message)

Once you enter the land that God, your God, is giving you as an inheritance and take it over and settle down, you are to take some of all the firstfruits of what you grow in the land that God, your God, is giving you, put them in a basket and go to the place God, your God, sets apart
for you to worship him. At that time, go to the priest who is there
and say, "I announce to God, your God, today that I have entered the land that God promised our ancestors that he'd give to us."
The priest will take the basket from you and place it on the Altar
of God, your God. And there in the Presence of God, your God, you will recite: 5-10 A wandering Aramean was my father, he went down to Egypt and sojourned there, he and just a handful of his brothers at
first, but soon they became a great nation, mighty and many. The Egyptians abused and battered us, in a cruel and savage slavery.
We cried out to God, the God-of-Our-Fathers:
He listened to our voice, he saw our destitution, our trouble, our
cruel plight. And God took us out of Egypt with his strong hand and
long arm, terrible and great, with signs and miracle-wonders.
And he brought us to this place, gave us this land flowing
with milk and honey. So here I am. I've brought the firstfruits
of what I've grown on this ground you gave me, O God.
10-11 Then place it in the Presence of God, your God. Prostrate yourselves in the Presence of God, your God. And rejoice!
Celebrate all the good things that God, your God, has given
you and your family; you and the Levite and the foreigner who lives with you. 12-14 Every third year, the year of the tithe, give a tenth of your produce to the Levite, the foreigner, the orphan, and the widow so that they may eat their fill in your cities. And then, in the Presence of God, your God, say this:
I have brought the sacred share, I've given it to the Levite, foreigner,
orphan, and widow. What you commanded, I've done. I haven't
detoured around your commands, I haven't forgotten a single one.
I haven't eaten from the sacred share while mourning,
I haven't removed any of it while ritually unclean,
I haven't used it in funeral feasts.
I have listened obediently to the Voice of God, my God,
I have lived the way you commanded me. 15 Look down from your holy house in Heaven!
Bless your people Israel and the ground you gave us, just as you
promised our ancestors you would,
this land flowing with milk and honey.
16-17 This very day God, your God, commands you to follow these
rules and regulations, to live them out with everything
you have in you. You've renewed your vows today that God is your God, that you'll live the way he shows you; do what he tells you in the rules, regulations, and commandments; and listen obediently to him.
18-19 And today God has reaffirmed that you are dearly held treasure just as he promised, a people entrusted with keeping his commandments, a people set high above all other nations that he's made, high in praise, fame, and honor: you're a people holy to
God, your God. That's what he has promised.
As they came to offer their first fruits
to the Lord they were instructed to recite their own history and all that the Lord had done in their sight. They were called to recognize that all they had came from God-given land.
The act of giving back to the Lord some of what He had provided for them was
very much an act of WORSHIP. Not only was the giving an act of worship but it
was to be brought with rejoicing and celebration.
The tithe was never meant to be a mere obligation. We are to
come to the Lord, going over what He has done and it should be a cause for great
joy.
Worship, bow low - the very act means that I recognize One Who
is greater than I. It means that I understand which one of us serves the Other.
All that I have I have because He has blessed me. As I bring the offering and
the tithe to Him I am in worship. This time, though, the worship is expressed
with the stuff I live on...sometimes I sing, sometimes I declare His praises.
But I also am called to give.
My faithfulness is worship. My obedience is worship. My songs
are worship. My offering and tithe are worship.
My giving must be done with and in the knowledge that all that I
have is by the Hands of the Gracious God whom I serve. I must guard against
and cast down the thought that anything I have is mine alone.
Bring these words of Yours to my remembrance, O Lord, for in You
and You alone am I able to enjoy any possession. For it is by Your Hand that I
live at all!

Please see my February 8th post...

2008-02-10T08:06:00.000-08:00

Published February 09, 2008.

STAFFORD, COLE

Cole Joseph Stafford, 22, passed away Feb. 5, 2008. He was born April 11, 1985, in Las Vegas, and had been a lifelong resident. Cole graduated magna cum laude from Life Pacific College in May, 2007, and married the love of his life, Stacey, the following week. He dedicated his life to serving the Lord, and was the youth pastor at Cornerstone Christian Fellowship, where he left a legacy of faith and testimony through his life to the youth. His life was a tapestry of compassion and giving of himself to others. He gave of himself to missionary work in Africa, Panama, Thailand and Mexico, and gave mercifully to anyone in need. Cole was talented in photography, music and drama. He served his church on the worship team with guitar and drums, and loved to worship his Lord. In his short life, he lived a life that mattered, accomplishing unselfishly his life's dreams and goals. Cole left his thumbprint on the lives of all those he touched with his deep compassion and mercy. We will miss him all the days of our lives. Cole is survived by his wife, Stacey Ann Stafford; his parents, Joseph and Tammy Stafford; his brothers, Derek Stafford, Justin Stafford, Sean Stafford, and Calvin Moore; his sisters, Arielle Stafford and Amy Stafford; grandmother, Jane Stafford; his grandparents, James and Karen Post; in-laws, Gary and Diane Dawes; brother-in-law, Chris Dawes; and innumerable lifelong friends, aunts, uncles, cousins and extended family. Please contact the family regarding services. Donations can be made to Cornerstone Christian Fellowship, Cole Stafford Library, 5825 W. Eldora Ave., Las Vegas, NV 89146.

Our Loss, His Gain

2008-02-08T07:30:00.000-08:00

My nephew died on Tuesday. I have met him only twice. We prayed together once. And why we all lived in the same town but never knew eachother is a long and stupid story. Cole Joseph Stafford (22 years old) loves Jesus. He loves his family and he loves his wife and he loves the kids he pastored.

There was a service for him on Wednesday night. Not a funeral, not anything like that...it was a love gathering for all who knew and were touched by him. It was the family of God, the Body of Christ working properly, crying and laughing and remembering and most of all, with the ripping pain going on inside each and every one of us there was worship in the highest form...as we lifted our voices out of the pain into His Presence we knew this was a Cole and God moment. We could only imagine the holiness of the meeting between the two as Cole was able to see the One Whom he loved so dearly.

I love the church, the body of Christ. When all is said and done, the criticisms, the disputes, the rallying around one doctrine or another, when all is said and done we know what to do and Who to run to. It has been a long time since I have been witness to the loving arms of the body cradling on of the hurting ones as I did Wednesday night.

I love You, Lord. I love that You remain calm in the midst of our storms...that Your Steadiness and Assuredness of what You do is never shaken by our doubts or fear or pain. I love that You put up with us and I love that You still bless us with Your Overwhelming Presence to lead us through this wilderness...

My prayer is for Stacy, Cole's wife of nine months, that the Grace I saw on her this week continue to envelope her, that the Lord keep her from despair. And for Cole's dad, Joe, who loves his children so much, that he too live in the majestic Presence of the Almighty, that he find his way through this loss.

And for the kids he shepherded...his children in the Lord, that they do Cole proud by serving our great God with passion and fire...and for his brothers and sisters, that they run to Him Who is Able, and find Him.

And for his pastor, who loves him like his own son...

May the God of all peace and grace and mercy fill them with the most astounding awareness of Himself...

good-bye Cole...

Worship so far...

2008-02-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

I found Jesus in Las Vegas. I knew about Him, I had seen my friends change as they gave their lives to Him during the Jesus Movement in the late 60's and early 70's. I knew He was real, but I never imagined He would want anything to do with the likes of me. I didn't fit into the 'good girl' category.
I ended up in Vegas, that was in '73. After many more bad decisions and dangerous escapades I found Jesus. Funny, He was there, waiting for me. I had come to the end of myself. There were no more things to try, nothing more to do. Everything had failed. Praise God!
But I digress...Here I was, a Brooklyn girl out west, totally passionate about Jesus and a friend drove me out of town to a small church. When we walked through the doors I heard the singing, all these people with their hands raised, singing in the Spirit with the most melodious harmonies. Pastor and a few others were up on the platform with their acoustic guitars. You couldn't hear them. It wasn't about them. The whole church was the choir and the gentleness, the harmonies, the languages, filled my senses and I wept. I had never experienced anything like that ever. My friend led us to a seat. Everyone stood around me. I was overwhelmed with the Presence of God, the gentleness of His Spirit, I recognized it immediately and in my heart I knew I was home. I had never felt at home anywhere up until that point.
That was in June of 1978. I had given my life to the Lord that March, March 9th to be exact. I was baptized in the jacuzzi in the apartments where I lived.
Worship, what is it? It has something to do with music for sure. It was the musicians who went out first when Israel was sent by the Lord to go in and take the land the He had given them. It is service. It is the one ministry that ministers not to the body, though we are affected by it, but it is a ministry wholly unto the Lord. We minister to Him when we worship.
Scripture says that God inhabits the praises of His people. So it is during worship I find myself face to face with the living God. It is here that I hear Him talking to me, showing me what He needs me to see. It is here, in His Presence, that I am safe, and in great health, and right.
Worship is the outward expression of my love for God. My obedience to Him, my service to Him and to others at His Command. Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all.
It is all about Him, this worship thing. It is Ruth laying at the feet of Boaz, it is David pouring out the drink his men risked their lives to bring to him, it is Joseph silently being wrongfully accused, the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears,etc. It is the Psalmists singing, clapping, playing instruments and telling of the great things of God. it is Moses holding his hands in the air so that the Israelites could win, his hands get weary and Israel begin to lose the battle. Aaron and Hur come alongside him and help him do what God commanded him to do by holding up his hands for him. Worship. it is my whole life laid bare before Him, with the understanding that
'I am not my own, I was bought with a price
I am purchased with the precious Blood of Jesus Christ
All my debt's been paid by His sacrifice
Hallelujah to the Lamb who redeems my life.'

And not being my own, I must, in every thing, look to Him for direction, guidance, consent, validation, worth, satisfaction, courage, strength, patience, endurance, everything.That I know to do this is worhip for it reveals what I think abbout Him. If I can't trust Him, if He is not my Lord, if I don't look to Him for my very life, I am not a worshiper.

As I go now to the Park and have church with the homeless ones, or to the projects to do a craft with the kids, or try to help a young mom get her baby's paperwork in order, I worship and it is worship because I would never have thought to do any of this without the leading of my God. It is not in me to venture in to dangerous places and build relationships. I am more comfortable alone. But that being the case, He is showing me that what good is a great worship song if it is being sung by me if I am in the same breath refusing to go where He wants me to go and do what He wants me to do. Listen,
The worshippers who lead the battles in Israel would have accomplished nothing if they had built a platform and performed greatly. As they sang and made their music they MARCHED IN FRONT of the ones who would do the battle. They were on the front lines of service.
I will sing always, it is what I do best when it comes to expressing myself. But I tell ya, it is not enough for me anymore. I must also march...

Under Construction...

2008-01-21T05:58:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the silence. I still plan on writing about worship, but not now, now is not the time....

I want to write but there are no words and so, instead of forcing the issue I find I must face the fact that the Lord would have me be silent for a moment...

Certified Organic

2008-01-11T16:28:00.000-08:00

Organic- that is the only word I find fits what is happening on Friday mornings. Organic, not as in no pesticides or chemicals, not that kind. Organic like a seedling growing into a tree, a flower making way for a pear, an earthworm aerating the soil...you know, organic.

Last Friday, as Jimmy led us all in a few worship songs, one of the men came and knelt under the gazebo, on the cold dirty cement which caused many more including me to worship on our knees. Even Connie, the lady who makes the soup every week came and knelt.(her knees locked for a bit and she couldn't get up so the men came and held her up 'til she could stand). As the sun beat on my face and the cold air swept through my clothes the tears just came.

We were a church in the most organic sense...a living, breathing organism whispering the song to the Lord under the gazebo. All sense of 'being watched' vanished as we became one body. O for a month of Fridays...
Today two men gave their lives to the Lord. They came and prayed with Jimmy.
R. was there today. He doesn't look good. The whites of his eyes are very yellow. He is suffering with his seizures. He cries when we tell him how much he is loved by God and by us. But he is trapped in an addiction that is taking his life...what will happen to R? He lost his mom recently and has never been able to cope with it. Pray for R, please...the enemy of our souls must not win. Will you stand with me as I fight for R. in the spirit?

A lady came today for the first time...I will call her C. A dear friend who was with me today knows her and she told me a little about C's life. Many years ago one of her daughters died by accidental drowning. C broke and was never the same. She has a fierce love for the Lord. Her husband is very abusive. C did not come because she is homeless. She has a home and a family. I do not know why she was there today but we got to pray with her as she released some things to the Lord. A minute later, while we were not paying attention she was gone.

If I could, there would be churches like this one all over this town. I can't make it happen but I am stirred to get very quiet again that I may hear Him....there is hope for the lost and I want to be there when they grasp it.
In my next post I am leaning towards sharing my heart concerning worship...I have been in a conversation with a friend about this and thought I would jot down what has been developing from that.
Til then, bless...

Friday morning Christmas in the Park

2007-12-28T07:20:00.000-08:00

I am speechless and blessed....my best Christmas ever. Talk to you all soon...

Amazing Grace...

2007-12-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

Last week, when it rained for the Friday Morning Church in the Park gathering, I ran over to the Rite-Aid on the corner to buy some charcoals. The charcoals we brought were soggy from the rain.
I couldn't find any bags, it being terribly out of season for barbecuing, so I asked the clerk. She searched the aisles with me and we found two bags at $10.99!!!!!!!!!!! a bag. Ouch! We both marveled at the price. Neither one of us had any authority to change it.
She just happened to be at the register when I checked out. Through our conversation I mentioned we were barbecuing at the park. She asked if we were the ones who fed the homeless on Fridays. I was amazed that she even knew about it but here is why she did:
One of the men we minister to, I will call him R., a young man who suffers with alcoholism, has been a regular customer there at the Rite Aid...he has befriended this checker. She explained to me that she feels sorry for him and buys him a beer once in a while. She knows she shouldn't but she doesn't want him to do something illegal to get a beer. She said that R. will always say to her, Ma'am, I am going to take this beer, go sit under a tree at the park, take out my Scriptures and read.
The checker is most fond of R. and we both got teary-eyed when she shared this.

Well! Yesterday, I got to the Park early. R. and a friend of his were walking by on their way to the gazebo. They stopped and we talked. It turns out that R. got his stuff stolen: a backpack with his Bible, his anti-seizure medicine, and a radio. He was heartbroken about the Bible and the medicine. I didn't know he had seizures. Another pastor in town, who gets R. to church on Sundays, filled R.'s prescription for him. R. said all was well now, this Pastor got him a Bible and some more medicine.
Here is this young man, so bound up by alcohol, robbed of medicine, and this is what he shared after I said I met his friend at the Rite Aid...
R. said that that lady is very nice to him and he always goes there to buy things when he has money. He said that one day last week this lady got to talking with R. and she shared that she was in trouble financially. Her job just wasn't paying the bills. She said that she spoke with her boss about getting an advance on her paycheck.R. Prayed for her and encouraged her to Trust the Lord. He prayed for her right there on the spot.
As he spoke, his face lit up as he explained that the checker just found out that she has many hours of overtime coming to her. She shared that with R. R. said the checker thanked him and he said, It ain't me lady, its the Lord who did this! He praised God and so did I and so did his friend as we stood there listening to him.
On another note, M. came today and when I saw her I could tell she wasn't feeling good. When I asked her what was wrong she could barely hear me. She has a huge infection raging in her ears and glands. She sat on the cold cement benches barely eating all bundled up and not herself. She had been to the emergency room and they gave her a prescription for antibiotics but she didn't have any money to get it filled. One of the others went to the drugstore with the prescription and got it filled for her.
When I left I stopped by her to say goodbye and we hugged and I prayed for her healing. AS I walked away I was overcome with sadness that she was out there so sick.
I know that I can't fix everything...I know there are limitations and it takes the whole Christian community to pitch in and snatch others away from destruction...I know that...but I cried for M. How do they get themselves so dysfunctional that they cannot even care for themselves and maintain the basics. What makes it easier for them to be sick in the cold and rain than to have bare minimums like food and shelter.
And then there is this thought: Do any of us realize that to God we look just like the R's and M's? That we look poor, wretched, blind, miserable, and naked to God, destitute and helpless without Him? We see a difference between us and them but without God we are just as decrepit.
Here is the joy of it, though: As we go, if we dare, if we are obedient to the call to get out there and share the love of God, and offer the hope that is the Gospel, if we do that, we do well. Some will never leave their lifestyle. That is not a measure of salvation. R. prayed for a lady with a job and her need was met. R is spreading the Gospel! If R can pray for people and he does, what the heck should we be doing????? Discussing the wrongs of the church? Asking questions for the pure sake of hearing our own intellectual savvy? I think not...
We think we have a corner on what church should be...again, I say, what will you do to be the church as God purposed it to be? How long will we all sit and ponder the theories and what-ifs of the Word before we realize there are people entering eternity with no knowledge of God or what He did for them. I challenge you all to get out there and do, not a random act of kindness, but an 'on-purpose, with purpose, gospel action to and for someone you meet....do it in the Name of Jesus...let's get movin', just go out and see what the Lord would have you do today for a lost soul.
Then, let's get back here and celebrate together over what the Lord has done out there. Don't miss it! Don't miss out on what you have been called to do. It ain't about us anymore...

...Saturday afternoon in the Sun

2007-12-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

As soon as I left the Friday morning church in the Park service I headed over to the church I attend to start wrapping the toys that Toys for Tots donated. It was still raining and it was a great way to spend the afternoon...with long time friends in a warm dry room.
My mind wandered to the others I had just left...where would they go in this downpour?
Time to turn my attention to what the Lord would have me do at this moment. Time to prepare for Saturday, souls to be saved, lives to be touched.
Saturday found sunshine, and crispy, windy weather. When we got to the apartment complex there was mass movement to get everything set up and ready.
Tables were set up by the pool, (which looks like it hadn't seen water in a long, long time). Sound system was out by the pool as well. First the food was served, then a time of ministry. Kids jammed up close to the music along with their parents. We danced and clapped and Rob and the others led the way for salvation. About 15 kids received Jesus. Later on, one of the Moms prayed with one of the workers and gave her life to Jesus. It's not about the presents or the food...I know they need that stuff and it is good that we can get it for them. But it all has to point to Jesus and what He has done for us all or its a waste of time.
Some choose to question everything they do not understand about God. Some choose to look at all the faults of the church and retreat back into the distance, not getting past the personal injury, refusing to heal.
I have found that healing comes when we least expect it, when we are not looking for it, when we cook up a pot of soup and bring it to a park and wait for someone who is cold and hungry. Healing comes when we give the barrister $5 for a cup of coffee and ask him to use the rest to pay for the person standing behind us in line, (something the pastor of the church i go to does on a regular basis).
The healing comes for us, and for the person we just touched. It will never come by remaining critical of those who have done us wrong or offended us. The enemy wins then...as we ponder whether God is fair or not, if there are contradictions in the Scriptures,...because as we ponder what has already been answered, and question what God gives no answers for...as we ponder, we sit... and forget we are soldiers, bond slaves, on a mission to gather into God's kingdom, those who have been beaten down, tied up, shackled and confused by the enemy. We have a purpose and we do not have to understand anything except that God has called us to move, He has called us to take it to the streets, to speak the Truth in Love and do something, do something that makes sense...
When I go back to the apartments, I think I will bring a good story to read to the kids, a big pot of macaroni and cheese with chopped up hot dogs in it and an invitation to come and follow Jesus.
Yes, and I will invite the moms to come and eat and listen. Maybe, just maybe, one of these days, they will help Jimmy's church feed the homeless. Maybe the homeless can come sometime and read a story to the kids. Maybe...think of the possibilities....Maybe, if only, we could be all that we wished 'the church' could be.

Friday morning church in the Rain...

2007-11-30T19:40:00.000-08:00

I could sense the rain in the air when I woke up this morning. It doesn't rain much here in the desert so we can tell when it is about to.

It never dawned on me to not get to the park for the service. It never dawned on any of us. It is as normal to be there as anywhere else. No matter what the weather is.

Last week it was so cold. The wind blew hard. Connie's hot soup brought smiles to every one's faces. We served turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy.

This week no one anticipated the rain so a barbecue was planned. By the time we got to the park it had been raining for quite awhile. Which is also unusual for the desert. Usually the rain is done in a couple of hours. Too late to plan anything else we started the fire, good and hot so the rain wouldn't put it out. Pastor Dave gathered everyone together to start the teaching. One of the men asked if he could open in prayer. Pastor said yes so he prayed. He thanked God for all that he had, how he had so much. And in reality he still lives better than most of the rest of the world.

Pastor shared the Word, and by the time the food was ready we all looked pretty much the same...wet and cold. One of the men asked if we had gloves. I had just stopped into Big Lots before I came to the park. I had picked up some gloves real cheap and had about 6 pair on me. It was so good to be prepared for his request. The gloves fit beautifully. He smiled and so did I. Some of the men remarked that they didn't think we would come today because of the weather. I heard Jimmy say that we would always be there every Friday no matter what. It was good, this rainy, cold day today. It was so good. We were all so grateful to be together. We have become community. God is knitting us together in love. There is being established trust and respect.

Today was the best Friday-morning-church-in-the-park since I began last February.I am so blessed of God to be able to be a part of this. I love being out where He is moving.

Tomorrow we go to the apartments to serve dinner and presents to the families there. This will be my first visit there. I am very excited to see what the Lord would have me do here. Being back at the church where I spent most of my born again years is good.

It has been a very 'alive' day...very alive is exactly how I feel right now. I am in a different kind of expression of worship...doing what He would have me do for the Kingdom. There is melody in my heart.

Thankful

2007-11-22T08:10:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful that we serve a God Who is ever patient, ever merciful, and ever loving toward the likes of us, the foolish things of this world. May He use us as He wishes: to serve, to bow, to speak, to heal, to give, to worship, to reap and to sow, for Him and Him only.

May you all find your places in Him today...

Love you all,
Linda

update...

2007-11-18T06:20:00.000-08:00

It is 6:20 am...the morning of the evening when we will be serving our homeless community their Thanksgiving dinner. It is a grand affair at the Convention Center. Many have stepped up to the plate to buy and cook the food needed. Many will be serving. I am blessed beyond measure to be able to be a part of this.

Friday morning at the Church-in-the-Park service one of the gentlemen gave his heart to the Lord. There was such joy and celebration, hootin' and a hollerin' from everyone there. It was a good morning...

I have been asked to be a part of another event at one of the lower income apartment complexes here. That will be on December 1st. Dinner and gifts for the children. I have not been over there yet but I have a feeling the Lord is ready to move... (pray: we need toys for the children...)

December 18th we will have Christmas at our Friday morning gathering. We are gathering the funds to buy backpacks for our group. We will fill them with some necessary items such as: socks, underwear, beanies, gloves, deodorant, toothbrushes, soap, a bible, and homemade cookies. I know that this will be a precious time. I can't think of a better way to spend my time.

Oh, by the way, thank you for your prayers, (thank you Nate and Happy). I have met with the pastors of the Church I attended for twenty years. It is the church I "grew up" in (I was saved at the ripe young age of 26). I attended some of their services while I have been church-less along with some of the other churches in the community. They were all awesome. As you know I have been forcing myself to be quiet inside that I would hear the leading of the Lord. I am convinced that this is where He would have me to be and that I will be venturing into new areas, the apartment complex is one of them.

It is worth being quiet to hear His Voice...it is worth being patient. Nate, you mentioned that I have a deliberateness to what I do. I have never thought about that but you are right, I do. It has been such a remarkable joy to deliberately follow Jesus, to take my cues from Him and walk not according to my own understanding (intellect) but by His leading. To be in His Presence is the safest, most comforting and peaceful place I could ever be. So, I am learning this walk as I go...deliberately doing what I hear Him call me to do.

Gotta go now...pray for us that many will be Born Again today!!!!

W W Jesus Say to Me

2007-11-09T22:14:00.000-08:00

Thanks Heather for including me in this one.

I've thought about this over and over and I always come back to this: I think He would say what I always hear Him say at the beginning of every conversation we have.

I think He would whisper, "Shhhhhh..." ever so gently.

and now, once again, I tag:
Shaun
Bekah
Happy

WWJDWTC

2007-11-05T19:33:00.000-08:00

As far as what I think Jesus would do with the church today: I truly believe that He would fan the flame no matter how faint a flicker it seemed to be. He is in the Kingdom business and promised He would in no way cast us off. I do not know a church anywhere that meets all my needs. This is not a complaint. This is a blessing. My needs, my hunger will never be satisfied by the church I choose to go to...whether I choose to worship in a mega church or in a home church with close friends. That is not where my hunger will be satisfied. If I look at Jesus' life and listen to what it was that caused his appetite to be satisfied it was NOT being with the disciples in fellowship, (although that must have been a precious time for all involved). His hunger was satisfied when He talked to the woman at the well. Why? Because He was doing the will of His Father. It wasn't what the Father would do for Him but what He would do for the Father that satisfied Him.

This is crazy...we have it backwards, we still believe that 'the church' is an entity apart from us ...We, the church, the called out ones, are the ones who must live the way God directs us. yes, there are things wrong with the church today. When has there not been. God uses the willing, not the perfect.

So He will not cause the flicker of a flame to go out or the reed to break. He is here to save.
Out there somewhere is a woman or a man waiting by a well not even aware of his or her own need until a word is spoken into their heart. I want to be ready to be the one to speak the word. Don't you?

Remember, we are the church. The church is not them, it is us and if we think we know how a church should be then we should be it, don't you think?
I am responsible for doing the will of the Father. You are responsible for doing the will of the Father. We are the church. He will keep the flame burning with His breath. This church is a living breathing organism and He will keep us alive ... To God be the glory forever and ever, amen!

Let patience have her perfect work...

2007-10-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

I am hanging from a limb. This is not the same as hanging by a limb. The latter gives the impression that disaster is eminent. The former suggests that when my arms get tired I will either have to somehow get back into the tree to live or climb down, or, jump...
Either way, change is coming.
While I am hanging I have been visiting many of you. Thank you all for being so open. Shaun has written a complaint psalm that expresses some very real stuff. I wonder how many times I have assumed there was no need to minister to the minister cause he must 'have it all together'. Especially Heather has blown me away with her strength in God as she moves forward in her battle. Watch and see what God has wrought in a woman fighting for her life.
I am honored to be able to be a part of their lives through this blog thing. I am learning about strength of character, compassion, mission, and vision and how to walk in it all with Him and only Him at the lead.
I wonder where I fit...
Friday morning church in the Park has been so good. There are real relationships developing, real conversations going on. That is real church. That is a place I know Jesus would have sat. Those men and women would have followed Him.
Saturday will find me over at Tracy's children's outreach. Looks like I have been assigned to 'face painting' which gives me much opportunity to strike up some conversations about Jesus.
Go visit Shaun and Especially Heather for some different angles. Sometimes when we only spend time with people who see things the way we do we forget that there are others who are in very different places who are struggling to be real in their own venues:)
If I could do church right now...on this Saturday night....it would be with a bunch of people who love to worship with music...sitting around on the floor, being okay with each other, no one trying to show off, just worshipping God together. I miss that, a lot.

2007-10-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

I have finished the book of my previous post.

"David and Zadok were alone once more.
'And now, what shall you do, David? In your youth, you spoke no word against an unworthy king. What shall you do now with an equally unworthy youth?'
'As I said,' replied David, 'these are the time I hate the most, Zadok. Nonetheless, against all reason, I judge my own heart first and rule against its interest. I shall do what I did under Saul. I shall leave the destiny of the Kingdom in God's hands alone..."

Again, if you get the chance to read this little book, do so. It will tenderize your heart for the ways of God...
I am not sure what I am doing now that I left the church I was attending. I do know that it would be wise to not jump into any commitments right now. I must say that I feel very covered by supervisors who are very supportive in my move. I can breath again. Didn't know I had stopped breathing til I left.

I am still actively involved in the Friday Morning Church in the Park for the homeless. I have been visiting the church where my son leads worship and that has been good. I have been invited to hang out there til I know what I am doing. I love how the family of God is everywhere. Even you, my fellow bloggers, have been a great encouragement to me.
Tracy will be having another outreach toward the end of October. She has asked me to help with that and I am looking forward to that.

Thanksgiving we will have a huge dinner for the homeless at the Convention Center. Last year brought 200. We expect more this year. Some of the people I work with have volunteered to help serve dinner.

We need blankets for our Friday morning group. It is getting too cold to sleep without one. We will be distributing them this Friday at the morning service in the Park. So far we have 25. We were hoping for 100. The week is not over yet so there is still time to collect some more.
All in all, things are good. God is moving. Salvation is here. His faithfulness is a solid rock and I am happy to be one of His.

The Horrible art of Javelin Throwing...

2007-09-28T06:53:00.000-07:00

I have found the last week or so to be a time of quietness and silence. Two different things, quietness and silence. Quietness is the decision to stop all the inside noise that fights with just being with the Lord. Silence is the decision to not speak but to allow Him to speak. Lately I have been wanting and needing Him to speak so that my every next step will be with purpose, His purpose.

I am in transition. Change is good. Especially when He brings the changes. Discomfort is not a negative, though it is uncomfortable.

A dear man of God suggested I read a small book titled, "A Tale of Three Kings". I know this book. I have read it more than once years ago. I have pulled it out of my collection of books and am re-reading it again. For all of you CLBers out there, I can only suggest, but I suggest with all my heart, that you get a hold of this book and let God speak to you...

If I may, and if you have read my previous posts, you will know, my heart is to do the will of my Father, as it is yours. That being said, I would love to know if it will speak to you as it has and is to me....

If I have been a javelin thrower, and I think I have at times, I ask forgiveness. May God put it in our hearts to never bend down to pick another javelin up again!
And, if javelins are being thrown at me, may I learn how to dodge them with integrity, never letting them keep me from moving forward in the Kingdom...

Takin' it to the Streets

2007-09-14T17:07:00.000-07:00

Blooming Most Recklessly has posted an incredible moment in her life. I truly believe that this is happening in every part of the world. We need to know that the silly things the Spirit is leading us to do are not so silly as we think. Again, so simple is the venue Jesus moves in. Highways and Biways have always been my favorite places -- that is where the miracles happen -- where the lost and crushed are.

This is the moment that everyone has sensed. What say ye? Time to take it to where they are waiting...to the streets!!!!

So, when I make a plan, and the rain seems to ruin it, Lord, help me to remember that this could be the very moment someone looking for you has taken a wrong turn into a KFC somewhere...may I remember to take my friends and guitar and run towards Redemption!

Significant moment...

2007-09-05T20:52:00.000-07:00

I've been with Pastor and Eleanor for five years now. When I came to them I was broken, very broken and I didn't work very well. They took me in and let me heal and it has been good.
Being left alone after 22 years of marriage and ministry is very unsettling to say the least. Though my relationship with the Lord was as strong as ever I was shaken to the core and quite at a loss as to how to survive and take care of myself.
They stood by me and I am whole and sane because of their care. It has been great. During my time with them I went back to school, settled into a full time position with the City, and was licensed to minister in the Foursquare Movement.But the sense that a change has been coming has been bugging me. It is one of the reasons that I had to get away for the weekend. I really wanted to be sure that what I was sensing was from the Lord and not because I was tired or frustrated.
The three of us met for dinner tonight and I started to share what I had been thinking about. They weren't surprised. Sometimes, when the Lord is doing something, what should be hard is easy and almost delightful.
I am scared, don't get me wrong. I have no idea what is around the corner but I do sense the rightness of the move. And knowing that they are in agreement with me is ever so comforting.
Time to be a follower of Jesus. Time to trust and look ahead with confidence.
I know they will be okay. They love and serve God like me. It will be an honor to work with them in the future. But me, I have to go now...
Okay, here goes (eek)...

Interesting...

2007-09-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

It was great getting away for two days. There were no firework revelations but I think I am quieted enough that now I will be able to allow His whispers to change me...
I have been honored to be mentioned by some of my fellow bloggers. Shaun has listed the things he likes about me. You may not know Shaun- he is worth visiting- his honesty as a pastor of a church plant here in Vegas helps to soothe all the criticisms of pastors lately- There are some who really do care about being real and presenting an accurate Jesus. Aside from this I find him extremely funny! Thanks, Shaun, and thanks for being such a good friend to Bekah & Tyson!!!!
Heather mentions my post of a recent Thursday night event among some other links she has found interesting. Her site is also one to be checking into on a regular basis especially if you like being challenged in what you believe on certain topics...
I have heard mentioned that even this Venue (blogging) is church..I believe that also, very much...'where two or more are gathered...' so:
Lastly, and more importantly than all of the above...please visit especiallyHeather 's post on prayer warriors. We have some real warfare to do and all our talk means nothing if we don't do what we believe...She and her friend Marisa need us badly right now. Please let me know that you are posting on her site by leaving a comment here. I need to know we are going to war for our blog brothers and sisters.

Constructing...

2007-09-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

I don't think I have missed a Sunday worship service in years. Being the worship leader is a joy. I love being in corporate worship and I love watching the Lord move among His people.
But I have huge decisions to make and find myself at a crossroads. I am not even sure where the various roads are leading.
So...I am getting away for the holiday weekend to a small town in Utah where I am hoping to get still enough to hear my Lord speak.
This is one of the ways I pray...I stop talking and get the noise inside quieted and just listen.
Deconstruction is always in preparation for new construction, better construction...both must be carefully implemented or bricks may fall and hurt someone..."unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it...Psalm 127.1a.
Have a great weekend, everyone!

...then up and out to the Park on Friday morning

2007-08-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

The last two Friday morning Church in the Park gatherings brought 65-70 people. Yes, there was just enough food but this Friday we were actually short one fork!!!

Pastor Dave asked if anyone wanted to pray for the Lord to bless the food. One of the men stood and said he would. We had never seen him before but his prayer was so powerful- he shared that the Word says when you fall, get up, and if you fall over and over again, get up over and over again. Then he prayed for the food and thanked God for the sense of community that we all had together.

He knew the word and he knew what to pray...and then he sat down. Nothing fancy, just very real...

It is such a relief to be in the middle of what God is doing...now...here is the thing with me...He has allowed me to be a part of what others have stepped out to do...I want to step out on something He would have me do. Don't you? Any thought on what you think He is nudging you to do?

Maybe if we exchange some ideas it will spark something in us to move on it...

Thursday night church in the street...

2007-08-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

Tracy is a woman in the church who runs a daycare in the rough area of our town. It has always been rough. Anyone who has grown up here has lived there at one time or another. Every town has this neighborhood in it. Ours is no different than any other. Except that we love people here. Some of us have family here. Some of us are still here. Some have friends here. We all have some connection to this place.

The Friday morning church in the park service takes place at the edge of this neighborhood.

There are gangs, drugs, alcohol problems, poverty, racism, inner city stuff...there's a lot of anger here, and depression. There's also a lot of hope, but it is hidden deep within the hearts of the children here.

Tracy knows this, so she ventured out awhile back and started a gathering. Another simple concept that God has blessed because of her obedience. Her brother lives here. Every Thursday night she sets up the bar-b-que, the bounce house, and the chairs. After everyone gathers she feeds them, sends the kids to bounce, and does her bible study with the adults. Simple. They all need to eat, the kids need to have fun. They all need Jesus.

Tracy gives them all three. But last night, hundreds showed up. The word got out that Tracy was going to do something a little different. There would be a bounce house and a water slide for the kids and a trackless train for them to ride in. There would be school supplies given out (school starts next week). There would be hot dogs, chips, and soda. Tracy got permission to close the street off.

Literally hundreds showed up. Tracy was nervous. She didn't have enough food. She certainly didn't have enough school supplies. We didn't have much time to think about it though because we were serving food and the line seemed endless.

Everyone kept asking for us to start handing out the school supplies. Tracy kept hesitating. There just wasn't enough.
Pastor Elias said we should pray for the Lord to multiply. There they were, all the kids and parents lined up to get their supplies. Someone explained to them there wasn't enough so we would hand them out until the supplies ran out.

I took Pastor up on his suggestion. We asked everyone to join us in prayer as we asked the Lord to multiply the school supplies.

Then they started handing out the supplies....it took forever to finish. Finally everyone was taken care of. Everyone was taken care of! AND...there were supplies and food left over!!!!!!!!
What is so excellent about the whole thing is that every man, woman, and child there got to see the miracle. They became an integral part of the mercy of God being poured out into the community. They prayed, they said, "Amen". They got their need met. I am blessed...truely...to know women like Tracy and Misty who are not hesitant to see their vision through.

Tracy is on the worship team with me. There you have it again. Yes, we come together at the start of each week to celebrate what God is doing OUTSIDE the walls of church.

I am awestruck at the simplicity of Luke 17.5-10. We work out in the field, we enter into the worship of God, then we get ministered to by Him...this is no extraordinary thing...this is what He has called us to from the start...
The disciples asked Jesus to "Increase our faith" in verse 5. Look at his answer! We struggle so much with what we believe. We ask God to increase our faith..His answer is: Get out into the fields, bring in the harvest, come and serve Me dinner, and then you may sit down and eat.

Lord, teach us to keep You uncomplicated. Teach us to simply do what you have assigned to us.
Acts 4:29-30 is my prayer for all of us.

I'm getting it...

2007-08-19T17:07:00.000-07:00

I have this longing in my heart to be productive for the kingdom. I spent so many years behind church walls and still am fully involved in our little church plant. I don't want to leave the church, that's not what I'm saying. But I do want more.

I came into the Friday morning church in the park quite by accident. Jimmy called me one Friday morning a while back and told me that those who had signed up to serve the food that day would not be able to come after all. He asked me if I could come down and help.

Jimmy is my son. He is the Worship pastor at a Nazarene church plant here. It is a long story why me and my kids all go to different churches. I guess it could be a sad story but we are all serving God with a passion so ultimately it is a story of victory. I lead worship at a Foursquare church plant here. Leah serves with her husband at another Foursquare church clear to the north of us about 20 miles away. Bekah and her husband are co-pastors of another Foursquare church about 20 miles west of here. Jimmy lives here. He is my youngest. It is his church that does the Friday morning church in the park service.

When he called I of course went to help. That was about 5 months ago. I became a part of it that day. It is some kind of marvellous thing that is happening. Here we meet with people who have no home, no source of steady income, no anything. Some because of hard times. Some because they just stopped being able to cope emotionally. Others because of alcohol and drugs. Some have warrants out. Some love God. They all come of their own wills. It isn't just for the food. They come to hear how God used men and women just like them to change the world.

Pastor Dave shared Hebrews 11 with them this Friday. All the heroes of faith lie in that chapter. They did great things in God and their faith is bragged about on these pages. They cheer us on as we run this crazy race. But Pastor Dave began to unravel the horrible sins of them all: David murdered and committed adultery, Jacob deceived his own father. Sin after sin, I watched as their eyes were fastened on P. Dave as he shared. They could relate now. There was no noise as he told them what great things God could do with a group like the one we had this day. It wasn't about what they did, it is about what He can do with them if they would allow it.

Some days, in the heat and mugginess, I see that yearning in their faces. They're getting it. I'm getting it. We're all getting it. As far as God is concerned we all look exactly like those who were sitting at the tables Friday morning. We were all wretched, poor, blind, miserable, and naked. We are all absolutely the same.

I am restless to do more. There are others, not just the homeless ones, that are lost. I read that there are 9,703 lost souls dying every hour of every day. Slipping into eternity without Jesus. So, yes, I will lead God's people into His presence with worship, but I must live my Christianity outside the walls.

God help me to do His work, His way, when He says. God help us all!

prayer call

2007-08-13T19:08:00.000-07:00

We have all been talking lately about our longing for a real, authentic, powerful walk with the Lord. I think I have come across a sister in the Lord who could use some of our authentic prayer right now. And I know she could use some encouragement.
I have come across a site called "especially heather". I think if you visit it you will come to love this woman who is facing severe difficulties at the time. This site is her journey. She is a worshipper of God and His friend and I know you will sense His presence in her words as she writes from her heart her honest and raw thoughts and emotions.

So I am starting a worldwide prayer chain for her via our blog sites. Let me know if you will be sending her an encouraging word and if you will be praying for her. Let her know as well...and then, let your favorite bloggers know about her site that they may bless her as well...how about it?

Especially Heather, this post is for you...May the Lord bless you, and keep you. the Lord make His Face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up His Countenance on you and give you peace...Numbers 6.24-26

Just a thought...

2007-08-11T07:39:00.000-07:00

Being new to the blog world I am excited as I travel through and read what others have to say. I am excited because there is a stirring once again inside the hearts of believers to be real, authentic, active God people, Christ followers, whatever label is attractive to you right now.
And yet I am concerned that so much time is being spent with what is wrong instead of getting out there and being what is right.
Yes we need to be out there where the lost are. Yes, lost! Out there...where the very real, lost ones are who are desperate to hear there is a God who went out of His way for them. I love what was written about Jesus at Today at the Mission's Finding Jesus in Finland. God went out of His way for us. Listen, I know the church can be quite the messy place. Humans have the unique ability to make messes wherever they go. But that is me and you as well.
The church experience should be, (my opinion only) a coming together of believers who have been 'out there' all week doing the work of God, listening to Him, saying what He would have them to say, reaching out to those in need, whether it is spiritually or materially, coming together at least one day a week to CELEBRATE over what they have seen the Lord do while they were out there. Does that make sense?
Celebrate, worship and maybe even receive the Word for ourselves so that we are strengthened to go out once again for another week of being at His disposal to do what He is doing in the earth.
It's time to start talking about what God is doing through us rather than what is wrong.
I truly believe every reviving of the church was started with a hunger for the real which was created by on-fire, energetic, positive members who were being productive and enthusiastic.
A fired coal sets the cold coals next to them on fire. A fired coal standing alone dies out. We need the fire of each other to keep the fire going...
Imagine what would happen if we refused to be critical and instead got up close and personal with the unlit ones....what a fire could be started.

Friday morning revisited...

2007-08-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

Jimmy and Erin and Pastor Dave were already at the park when I arrived. They were getting the charcoals ready for firing. Tony saw me get out of the car so he came over to see if he could help carry anything. We walked toward the gazebo. Tony is one of the homeless ones. He and a few others are always waiting to help carry the load. They aren't here for a handout. This is church and they are serious. Tony always seems defeated, kind of like Eeyore. Gentle, though, and quiet.
Now, the ladies today were not quiet. Betty, Amanda, and another lady I have not been introduced to as yet could not settle down today. Betty can switch back and forth from weeping and sad to the most outrageously loud, vulgar woman ranting and raving about. Amanda is also prone to wild outbursts, until Pastor starts preaching. It is then that she is ready to pounce on anyone who isn't listening to the Word. And she'll let everyone and anyone know how displeased she is. While Pastor Dave preaches you will see Amanda totally focused on his every word with one hand in the air as praise and honor to God. I do not know the other woman's name. She was quite taken with the Word being shared today and cried in dismay as she realized that she carried the same qualities as the Pharisees Jesus dealt with.
Betty was angry with the woman I do not know. Amanda was upset with her as well for her cries were too loud for them. Somehow the Lord kept them at a manageable level today.
The men sat and listened though.
I guess what I am trying to say, as difficult as it is to share the Word over the ruckus today it was so obvious that the ruckus was their way of showing how seriously they didn't want any one to keep them from hearing what Pastor Dave was sharing.
It is church all the way. What an honor to be able to serve and sit with these ones. How good it is to be with Jimmy, my son, and the other Journey people on these hot summer desert days under the gazebo in the park on Friday mornings.

You're it!

2007-08-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with stuff weighing on me. I had a few minutes to spare before I had to leave for work and decided to visit with some friends online when I saw that the Lord has got me involved in a game of tag of all things. Isn't it just like Him to provide a way of escape from troubles.

John has started this on his site, Christians Confess, and I got tagged by Heather. I spent much time at work thinking about this and so here goes...

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Apologize for three things that Christians have often got wrong.

Your apologies should be directed towards those who don't view themselves as part of the Christian community.

Alternatively, apologize for things you personally have done wrong towards those outside of the church.

2. Post a comment at the originating post so others can keep track of the apologies.

3. Tag five people to participate in the meme.

4. If desired, send an email with the link to your blog post at the Christians Confess site, giving permission for your apologies to be added to the website.

The three things (out of many more) I apologize for are:

1. I am sorry for using the phrase, "I'll pray for you" as an excuse to not have to get too involved with your life.

2. I am sorry for the time the Lord nudged me to go over to you to tell you about Him but I didn't. I hope someone else along your path was more obedient and loving.

3. I'm so sorry for not allowing your cries for help to penetrate me; I belong over there where you are and not protected (imprisoned) behind church walls.

I tag:

bekahs bologna
shaun bell
graceisthepoint
Romashka Journal

Jimmys Space

Restless

2007-08-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

I should be gathering my music for the morning service. I should be getting the worship in order. I should be but I haven't been able to . It is now 7:45 PM and I can't seem to focus. So many thoughts run through my mind.

I was visiting with deconstructed christian while avoiding my own tasks and was caught up with her topic on the label 'Christian'. I hate labels. I hate what the world does with them. A once so meaningful and risky identification is now a term to define , oh, i don't know, a political agenda.
How gross, how stupid. Or is it?

Funny thing about the world, it sees what it sees. Maybe that is what most of us have become: living statements of our opinions concerning how everyone needs to behave. We sometimes wear our opinions like badges never admitting that what we call ourselves has nothing to do with reality.

Christian, what a label. It was once the title of those who have died for their faith. It meant death to self and trust in God. It defined those who had found the living God.

Ultimately, I want the original definition to be me. I like the label Heather was given: a God person. I remember when jeans were only worn by farmers. Then we started finding them in army surplus stores and bought them for five dollars. It became our identity. Bell bottoms meant you hated the establishment, loved freedom, were intelligent and interested in reality and spirituality....if I remember correctly it meant a few more things.

Suddenly, without warning denim started appearing in stores with pre-made holes and worn out areas. Suddenly they cost 30 dollars and parents were wearing them. Society has a way of doing that. Jeans were stripped of their meaning. Why, they were being worn by the enemy. They meant comfort and fashion and establishment. They don't mean that now but I still wear them. Christian doesn't mean to others what it should but I'll still wear it.

But I think if I had to give myself an identifying label it would be.....His! I want to be completely His. I want to be a God person. Then you can call me whatever....cause He calls me His.

I need to get ready for tomorrow....my heart is not in it right now. It would be nice to just forget the formalities and find worship pouring out of me for no reason at all....

Thanks, Heather, for introducing a new label, God person. Let's enjoy it before THEY strip it of its wonder...

Holick Avenue

2007-08-04T12:42:00.000-07:00

I was at work when it poured the other day. The sky was amazing. Watching the storm clouds sweep over the sun and change the colors of just about everything brought me to a time 15 years ago in the very same place.

And I must tell you I am amazed at the fact that I am now working in the very place we lived when we first moved back here from a shaky 6 year ride in Arizona.

We lived down the street from where I now work...I used to love to watch the storms pass through. Bright green leaves would turn silver as the sun refused to be darkened by the clouds. Dark trunks would appear white. White houses seemed whiter and shadows were as black as night just before and immediately after one of these storms.

I remember standing on the porch and watching the colors of the trees turn silver and white. Then I looked further to see the mountains all around. These ordinary brownish grey mountains were purple and black.

There were some sunset evenings when those very same mountains were as pink and orange as they could be. They turned black when the clouds finally conquered the sun.

Stuff like that fills my senses. It is beyond my imagination to think up those kinds of color palettes. Light and lack of light can do that.

Art masters spent years playing with how light can dance across an object and change the whole focus of a painting.

I stood there that day, and I remember that I was so sad and yet overcome with the beauty of the color changes...and I wondered what color everything really was. Which light showed the true color of anything?

That day, with the wind and rain and the sun peeking through He spoke. That is how it is with us mostly. I wonder and He speaks, just drops understanding deep in my heart. The Lord showed me that day that the clouds and the light and rain that came and went were like the circumstances in our lives. They change the appearance of everything 'til we wonder what is reality anyway. And I understood that day that the very fact that there is a mountain whose colors can change just proves that there is a mountain. So, He tenderly showed me that the very fact that there are circumstances that change my perception of God and His capabilities is just proof that He is there, like that mountain and those trees, and He is Who He is no matter what the circumstances make Him out to be. He has not moved, He is right there in front of me, leading me. The circumstances changed the surface appearance but He is ever who He said He would be.

And I stood there, at work, just the other day, and that whole conversation with My God was as fresh and new as the day we first had it.

Now that the years have passed I can say, with all honesty, I learned to trust Him in a new way that day and this trust has carried me through quite a few episodes of changing circumstances.

If nothing else, age lends itself to security. When I looked at the storm the other day I found I was still standing on the Rock where He had placed me that day back on Holick Avenue.

In the beginning...

2007-07-28T06:46:00.000-07:00

Steve is coming to help serve today. I work with him and when he heard that there was church in the park he said he wanted to come.

He said he helped serve food to the homeless a couple of times in San Francisco. When he asked when he should come I invited him to come this Friday. Pastor Dave, Jimmy, Christina, Erin and a number of others would be out of town along with others on vacation so I knew we would be short of help.

Pastor Dave and Jimmy started this whole thing. They were talking to some of the homeless men who camp behind Wendy's. They asked the men what did they need. One man, Randy, said they needed to eat on Fridays. St. Timothy's feeds them all the other days. Jimmy asked them would they come to the park on Fridays if a meal was provided and they had church. Randy said yes but not at night. Why?, Jimmy asked. Cause we're all drunk and no one would come so do it in the morning. Cool, said Jimmy. Randy said they needed protein, that St. Timothy's feeds them mainly starches and they need more protein. Cool, said Jimmy.

That's how it started almost a year ago.

It's about 50 who come on a regular basis. They always get protein. Christina gets the volunteers to cook. Christina was telling me awhile back that when they lost the person who planned the meals and coordinated the whole effort Pastor Dave came to Christina (his wife) and asked her to take over. She shared with me that at first she resented the suggestion. Three kids, full time ministry, running around doing everything for everybody and keeping the house maintained so that the office, youth group, women's meetings could meet there. She is busy. So she was hesitant and not thrilled but she said she would. As she was telling me this her eyes filled with tears as she shared that now that she has come to know individuals and their stories she finds that as she is cooking the meals God brings faces to her and she finds herself praying for them. She has fallen in love with Friday morning church in the park. Her children come and they eat with the others.

No ministry is single minded. God reaches down and does His work in so many hearts.

Back to Steve, he was a trooper! Without knowing anyone there but me he just found a spot by the bleu cheese Cole slaw and started serving. It will be interesting to see if he returns.

One "almost fight" broke out today. God brought peace as the other men shouted, "Hey, this is church, cut it out!"

This is different stuff...we are not feeding the homeless. We are not trying to change them. They don't come just to eat...they really believe this is their church and that is how they talk about it.

All in all today was a good day. I got to see how the Lord has settled things in me as well. I wasn't worried about whether Steve felt comfortable or if he approved. I would have had great concern about this not too long ago. Instead I found myself asking the Lord to take care of Steve while I helped get things set up. And He did.

I think that I have decided that it is time to just get up, get back out from behind church walls, and dare to just do it!

Franny, me, and fried chicken...

2007-07-13T15:13:00.000-07:00

Franny and I went to get the food today. The gentleman who had cooked the meal was stranded with a broken car on the other side of town. We weren't sure if what we had would be enough so Franny and I both offered to go to Smith's and get some of their fried chicken and chips.

I had never met Franny before. She waited in her pick-up for everyone to arrive this morning while I waited in my car. I always do that...wait in the car. Jimmy made me promise that I would not wait by myself out in the park if I got there early. Today was no different. I called Bekah and I sat and talked with her when I saw the pickup pull in next to me.

When the others arrived with the drinks and part of the meal Franny and I got out of our respective sanctuaries and went over to help Christina. That's when we heard the food would be very late in getting there. I asked Christina if we should go and get food ourselves, you know, ready made. We decided I'd go and get the chicken.

That's when I heard Franny say she wanted to go as well. I thought that was great. Franny and I got into my car and we introduced ourselves.

She and her family just moved here in April. They have not been to the Journey very much...her husband has problems in large social situations. But the time she did go she heard about the Friday morning church service in the park. So, for her birthday she treated herself to some ministry and came to help...I thought that was so cool to give on your birthday.

Sometimes, all a person needs is the opportunity to be a giver...sometimes God simply drops people into the right situations so that they can find the value in their lives.

Franny is thirty-three and has two children. She said that when she came to the desert that's when she saw the majesty of God. That's how I felt thirty years ago when I came to the desert for the first time. That was in New Mexico and I was a hippy looking to find myself. I am so glad that I found God instead. Franny was three years old then.

Now, here we meet, at a church service in the park where 45-50 homeless people join us for a meal and a word. And isn't it funny that we both sat in our cars, waiting for the troops (so to speak).

And isn't it funny that we both thought the same thing when we first laid our eyes on the desert thirty years apart. Isn't it funny and awesome and good that God has not changed...His magnificence still astounds us and affects us no matter what generation we are.

I doubt that Franny and I grew up listening to the same music or having the same politics. I don't think she ever had to travel back and forth across this country to find herself. I think our lives and tastes were very different. But God. His entrance in to both our lives has brought us to the same spot in the universe to do the same thing and for similar reasons.

We missed the Word part of the service today but that's okay. Franny and I got to see how God moves history around to get the job done.

Simple church, God's way, amazing!

Friday morning...

2007-07-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

When I pulled up to the park this morning there were already 15 or so there. Some were laying under the trees, being real still, saving their energy. Others sat around and on a shaded table off to the side. There were only a couple under the gazebo. No one from my side was there yet so I didn't get out of my car.

I have a new car. Everything works; the air conditioning, the radio, the lights... I sat in my car with the engine running, the air on, and the doors locked. I figured it would be best to wait this way 'til someone came.

Those that were there already could see me but they didn't beckon me to get out of the car. They knew why I stayed there. It didn't make them feel bad though. They knew I was being careful for a reason. They agreed with my behavior.

Finally Jimmy and Pastor Dave came with the food. Those at the table and under the trees arose and met us. I was out of the car now. They came to help carry the food and drinks to the gazebo.

They always help. We feed them first and then we have church. They always stay
'til the end and then they help us get everything back to the car. We go our way in our air conditioned cars and they...well, they retreat back into the desert or to the library where they can sit in the coolness and pretend to read the newspapers. Mostly they wander around downtown til dark and then head back to camp.

They are the homeless ones. We are not. But once a week we meet and have church in the park.

Some would say we go and feed the homeless. To me, it is church in the park. Pastor shares the Word, sometimes we sing a song or two. The food is good...at least they always thank us for our trouble.

Many of our regulars were not there today. Some of them had pink slips of paper, tickets over $600.00 each for being homeless. Wednesday was July 4th, Independence day...so a lot of our regulars were not there, especially the women. We think they are in jail for the weekend.

But once a week, for a couple of hours, we have the same life, we and them. We sit together and eat and listen and pray.

Jimmy says they are all mostly left over cowboys with no cows...

It's the highlight of the week for me. I love going to Friday morning church in the park. It's real and good and full of Jesus.

Simple, church.

Wondering still...

2007-07-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

I don't mind getting older. It is happening gradually enough that I don't notice it...much! Except for the aches that limit me physically at times. I don't mind all that much. But...I don't want to get old in my thinking, you know? I stay connected to young people, alot. They are struggling with the very things I struggled with long ago. They have legitimate concerns.

Getting older has not necessarily given me answers for them. I still agree with a lot of things. I still wonder what my purpose is, what I was meant to be doing. I am still surprised by the simple answers that come my way after years of questioning. I'm still learning how to behave around 'grownups'. I try not to look back too often. Answers lie ahead of me, in God.

One of the things I have learned as I have grown older is that God has all the answers. He is ever before me. When I look back all I see is the destruction I and others I trusted have created. But when I look ahead, not into the future, not that kind of ahead but in front of me, like following someone on the way to somewhere, I see who He is and His perfectness and His solutions for me.

Today, Independence Day, I stayed home all day. Me and my dog. She isn't feeling well, her back hurts.

That is my kind of holiday, no obligations, no having to be anywhere...just home with the sun shining through the window as I attempt to become a blogger and finally get all these thoughts out there. Tomorrow I will go back to the routine but today I am just here and it is good.

I still wonder, though, what is my purpose...funny to say at my age but I really want to get on with the important stuff of God. No more wasting time giving in to fears and frustrations. Just doing what He would have me to do.

I wonder...

Hard stuff!

2007-06-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

The rocks, the very pillars in my life are becoming fragile with age. It never dawned on me that I would actually face days without certain steadfast members of my life. Every once in a while, I am faced with this very realization.

I went to see Dillard and Deeny today. Deeny is sick. She and Dillard have been a part of my life for nearly 30 years. Deeny is sick, sicker than even she knows. Dillard knows. They have been married for 52 years. They love God and have been faithful servants for as long as I have known them. Dillard was an elder. When he would pray for us his voice would boom across the room. So strong in faith.

Dillard cried today as he spoke of the Word the Lord had given him for Deeny. He said the Lord has held Deeny in the palm of His hand all these years and that she was still in that place. He, the Lord, would care for her.

I think that Dillard will miss her terribly. They do everything together. They always have. They truly have been a marriage made by heaven.

Dillard cried today. He is being shaken to the core with the thought of losing Deeny. He wants her to take her medicine. She says it makes her feel awful and that she feels better without it.

I love them both. I haven't seen them for a long while but when I heard I had to go and see them.

When I was leaving we took hands and prayed. They asked me to lead them in prayer. I sat next to Deeny and took her hand. Dillard came by and took my hand. He knelt down on the floor. I sank to my knees. It was an humbling experience to be praying for the very ones who had always been the prayer warriors for all of us.

I will go and see them again. Deeny forgets too easily now the details of her life. I will listen to their stories while they can tell them.

Dillard cried today. He knows she is leaving soon. He knows His God will take care of her. He will miss her.

I cried today. They are one of my heros. I will see them again. We have been blessed beyond our understanding to have had them care over us.

Deeny is dying.
Dillard cried today...