Sometimes It Just Happens that Way...

Saw a picture the other day of the church we pastored years ago. It stood on a hill behind the only McDonald's in town. There was a crushed rock driveway up the back way...at a good angle. The only way up the front at the time was via the alley behind Micky D's or right through their parking lot.

It was a small church.

We started from scratch.

It grew to 100 after a few years.

Then...

the fall. Not mine but that doesn't matter. It affected all of us.

In a moment our whole world changed and the life we built there was over.

Friends were gone.

Fellowship gone.

We left rather quickly, three kids, some dogs, some prized possessions and a lot of shame.

I had always planned on going back one day to, well, close some doors and finalize some emotions.

The church is thriving, by the way...they are in a new building and they do great stuff. The pastors are awesome. They are faithful and true.

Last I heard they rented the old church to another body of believers...

I saw a picture the other day...they tore the church down.

Still out there where I belong...

Friday past we were getting done with church in the park service. One of the men approached me with a box of random food...a bag of white rice, a jar of peanut butter, etc. You get the picture.

They had all dug in and taken what they needed and now the box was being presented to me so that what was left didn't go to waste. I was asked to give it to whoever needed it.

I am humbled at the realization that Jesus is working hard in their lives. They don't know it but they are all about to be changed, transformed, made new.

Hearts open wide, ready to share their food and not hoard it they way they were doing a year ago.

How unworthy I feel among these precious people. I hope I can remember to be like them in my time of need...kind, generous, real.

Angels in Uniforms Unaware (Handfuls of Purpose revisited)

Michelle showed up for church-in-the-park yesterday. (I woke up this morning with her heavy on my heart. Had to pray for her. Had to weep). The others seemed to know her but I do not remember ever having seen her before. It is easy to notice the women who show up because there are always so few of them. Statistics say homeless men outnumber homeless women 10:1 here.
I should have taken a photo of Michelle and plastered it here. I should have. I didn't. If I see her again I will. You need to get her face in your heart.
I met her as she moved through the line. I didn't notice her sitting during service. She might have been out on the grassy area then. Not sure. She just showed up on the line and she was quite out of it. I thought maybe heroine cause she kept nodding, plate tilting, kind of stumbling along. She wasn't at all out of order, not loud, and quite polite. I lost sight of her after that.
It wasn't until we were leaving that she came into the picture again.
I looked around for Jimmy because I noticed his guitar was by me but he wasn't. I spotted him out a ways talking with an officer. The police patrol the park on a regular basis. They know we are there every Friday and they are all for us so we are used to them showing up. It is not unusual for Jimmy to be hanging with them and talking so I walked over to them with Jimmy's guitar in hand.
I heard the officer ask how Michelle was doing today. I heard Jimmy say that she wasn't doing to owell today. Then came the story:
He noticed her there today and stopped by to make sure she was alright. She has cancer and is dying. If she wants to spend her last days drinking that is okay with him (officer), he understands. He is just concerned that if she lingers in the park after we are gone that she might get stopped for public drunkeness and bothered with being patted down and the whole process of being fined or jailed. Could we please see to it that her friends take care of her and make sure she leaves the park with them so that she can be safe. He cares about her being okay. He would appreciate our help.
Jimmy and I said we would make sure and we did.
Michelle asked me to pray for her, something about surgery on her hand coming up. I asked her if she would like me to pray for her right now. She said no, just when I think of her this week. I promised I would.
Her picture should be here. The officer's face should be here to.
Her eyes say she is lost.
His eyes say she is loved.
I wish you could see what I saw.
I wish ...
God loves Michelle a lot.
He has angels out there watching out for her.
I don't even think that officer was aware of the part he is playing in this stuff of the Kingdom of God.
His hands were full of purpose that morning.
I have to believe there is a plan in the works for Michelle's salvation and well being.
Pray...

While I'm on the subject...

Richard has been working on my small porch area. I got tired of the Bermuda grass from the common area creeping into the planter and taking over...got tired of pulling up grass from between the bricks that cover the floor.

I used to enjoy planting and tending. I don't anymore. Can't say why and I don't think its much more than just not having time anymore. But my life is good and filled with God stuff.

I digress. Richard pulled up an amazingly cool tree. I asked him to. It was going to die. It wasn't getting the sun it needed because the pine trees on the property were overshadowing it. It stopped producing berries and buds about a year ago. I loved how it bowed over the walkway. I digress again. Richard chopped it down for me and left this huge root for me to check out before he threw it out.

At one time there was a sprinkler system watering this tree. The tree grew around it and swallowed it up. Once again I see the strength and tenacity of life to go on. Once again I am sure that most would comment on the ruined sprinkler system while I stand and marvel at the determination of life to continue regardless, in spite of what is in its way.

Nothing could hold Jesus in the grave. Life can not be quenched, ever.

God's purposes will prevail.

Ah, He is so in control. He is so completely in control.

The sprinkler system didn't have a chance.

There is probably more to this story...I can feel it. Maybe later.

and the times, they are a changin'...

It's just about that time of year again...when sprouting life pushes through the asphalt of the church parking lot. A year ago I wrote about brokenness being life forcing its way through our man made crustiness. We call parking lots in that condition 'broken', in terrible shape, a disgrace. I wonder why we can't look at a parking lot in this condition and call it a wonder. Why cant we call it a marvel because, once again, it proves that life pretty much works its way out no matter what has been trying to hold it down.
I say this hoping I will come to an understanding, a settling, a confidence in the fact that God is not going to be held down by my neediness to keep things as they are.

Change is inevitable and I am amazed at His timing.

He is absolutely in control.

And I am quite aware that I am not so dependant on things staying the same as I once was. I have come to the realization that it is in the changes and upheavals that I find God quite constant and steady.

Cant explain right now what is going on but I can tell you, after initial shock wears off, there is an excitement swelling up inside me....

Holy Spirit stuff is happening.

I am not going to miss out on it.

I will stay still and watch and listen.

God is on the move...can you sense it?

Reflections

A year ago I posted on giving as an act of worship and I know this because I just happened to be reading the same passage this morning that caused me to think about this...

and now more than ever I find it most meaningful to be reading this. Deuteronomy 26 is the passage I am talking about.

They are about to enter the Promised Land, about ready to cross the Jordan. God is giving them their marching orders, how they are to conduct themselves as they cross, and as they live in the new land.

He gives a detailed instruction on what they should offer Him and how. It is the how that struck me a year ago. It strikes me again. Some lessons should never be forgotten.
As I bring my offerings, and in this passage it definitely involves money, well, produce then which translates into currency today unless a farmer is reading this. I have to be real here. This is not a chapter on singing songs, or donating our unwanted items, or anything like that. It comes down to money, our hard earned, never enough money.

As I bring my offerings, I am to recite, out loud, the history of God rescuing me from enemies, keeping me safe and sane, prospering me, saving me, and I should declare to Him what I am bringing to His table and that I have not used this offering, or any part of this offering for myself.

AND, I should be happy.

I can tell you, I rejoice over every offering...and have for the past 6 years. I rejoiced when I struggled to be faithful to this, and I rejoice that I can look back and say I have not lacked any good thing because of my giving.

BUT I mention all this to say that I have not been posting as much as I would like...

and I think I owe it all to my desire to live out my Jesus Life outside the walls of the church. Never did I realize it would consume me as it is.

There is much to do out there, people are wondering, longing, and starting to seek out what the Truth really is.

They are everywhere, these hungry ones, and hardly a day goes by that I do not have something to write about but fall asleep before it gets done.

I want to tell you all about it all...and I will. But not right now.

I am getting things ready for our outreach today at HV. About 30 kids will be there. And lately, some of the moms have been staying as well. We have been doing this for just past a year now. Once a month, on a Saturday, we set up in the apartment manager's reception area, make a mess with the kids, get in a quick object lesson, clean up and resume life. I love it.

We are gearing up for our big Spring Outreach the day before Resurrection Sunday. I will tell you all about it.

It is good to be outside the walls...and even greater to go back in every Sunday and celebrate with everyone what God is doing out there...

Amazing Grace...

Someday I might just figure out why I had to live out a few things this past week. One of them was a polygraph test for a job. Never done that before...never will again.

It has bothered me more than I thought it would. Not telling the truth, that didn't bother me, but telling the truth about stuff under the Blood, and feeling guilty and condemned and ashamed all over again...it knocked the wind right out of me. Maybe it should have. Maybe we forget all too soon what pit we have been rescued from.

Now I do not recommend dwelling on where we all came from. Talk about guaranteed despair! But it would be wise to do an inventory once in a great while and remind ourselves how wretched we are without Jesus. How wretched indeed. I remembered and talked about things I have never spoken out loud. Horrible! Awful! Disgusting!

My God is not surprised. He knows what I was. He knows what He has wrought in me. While the experience of talking to a stranger about my past was so very difficult it brought me to a new knowledge of "Amazing Grace". His grace over me is amazing, nothing short of a miracle. Stepping out of the building and into the sunshine brought me to tears. I was undone. Wretched, poor, blind, miserable, naked, UNDONE.

Which only proves to me that I had started to think way too much of myself.

I would not want to relive that polygraph ever, but I did realize how out of perspective my life had become.

I am no different than anyone else. As a matter of fact I can state honestly that I am worse than many. But God has done a great thing. God is working in me both to will and to do His good pleasure. He who began a good work in me is completing it and will continue to do so until Jesus comes.

I am a little sick in my stomach still. Embarrassed about a past that is redeemed.

It is good to be one of His, paid for, bought, saved, secure, it is good...

...Amazing grace

how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see...

Time Flies!

A month has passed since my last post...and along the way there were quite a few things I wanted to share. But as with most thoughts, if I wait too long they seem to go there own way to somewhere I do not know



I can tell you that there is something new everyday in the Kingdom that I get to witness. Some of it is just for me, stuff that takes me closer to Him. I have come to love those private little sessions with God that happen for no apparent reason. Life is happening and then, all of a sudden, there He is, showing me something, whispering which way to go.



About mid December my friend Rosie and her husband decorated the church for Christmas. I was at HV for our big Christmas event with the kids there. There were some Christmas trees and then, right behind the trees, was a big cross. It stood taller than the trees. I liked it. I liked being reminded that the reason He was born was to die. I like when life gets put back into perspective for me.

Christmas eve morn I was reading the Word according to the schedule I am on. It is kind of great, this devo time, and I have just completed my first year being faithful to a reading plan. It has really forced me to look at parts of the Word that I probably wouldn't have selected myself. Anyway, I digress. Christmas eve morn it dawned on me that I was at the end of the gospel of John. There it was, that cross again, right in the middle of Christmas. I do not think that I was ever more aware of His end at His beginning as I had become this year.

He was born to die, willingly, for me, for more than me. For more than you. It is a huge picture and I just get glimpses of how very big it is once in a while.

We serve a great God.

Heather, she was a homeless one and used to come and eat at Friday-morning-church-in-the-Park. She has a young baby. They would come and sometimes I would get to help her carry her plates because she was carrying her baby. At the Christmas event at HV I just happened to see her there. She gave me a big hug, she didn't know I did stuff over there. We were both surprised to see each other there. She just got housing there. She isn't homeless anymore.


Kelly is another happy story. Kelly has been with us for over a year now. He is homeless. He comes for lunch and service and is, for the most part, a loner. His foot was terribly infected this past summer and he wouldn't get the help he needed because he knew if they operated on his foot he wouldn't be able to survive out in the desert not being able to get around to get food and shade. So we prayed with him. We prayed for the Lord to heal his foot and for there to be away for him to get the help he needs without being stranded. Just recently he told us that the prayer worked. Not only was his foot getting better but there was a place on the other side of town that would fix his foot, get his diabetes under control, and give him a place to stay till they got his health back . He was so grateful. He smiled! Kelly doesn't smile. He did that day. And he knew it was the Lord who did it. I am so glad he told us all about it. Like Heather, Kelly is family and we really do need to know that God is moving in there lives, on their behalf. That what we are doing is what He would have us do.


When I started blogging I did not know where God was leading me, but I knew I was facing big changes. You all in blog land were so very encouraging. I know that getting all my thoughts down outside of me and your input along the way has enriched my life.


I am looking forward to this coming year and what God will be doing in us and through us. It will be a good year, a big year, with purpose and potential. We have this awesome opportunity to get out there and be the church we want the church to be. May our hands be filled with His Purpose in all we do.


Thanks again for being apart of my world this past year and allowing me to be apart of yours.

On this damp, gray, Thanksgiving morn...

As I sit here at the table waiting for the coffee to brew I can smell the rain in the air. It is gray today, and wet, and I am home this morning, and that is good.
Just a few minutes ago I was lying in bed talking to my Lord. We were going over the things I have found to be profound in my life this past year. We were discussing what I am thankful to Him for.

I am thankful that He is the first voice I hear most mornings and the last I hear at night. I am thankful for the grace He allows me to walk in, not only for myself but through me for others.

And not only grace but mercy and compassion. I am thankful for this new heart of mine that break easily for others now; for a sound mind which is so much easier to live with than the old one.

I love breathing, I love taking in cold, crisp, autumn air. I love letting it go. I thank Him for air and lungs and clear, crisp mornings.

I thank Him for my family. What an honor to be able to see them grow and change and continue to always love me and God; and for the body of Christ that He has placed me in, and pastors I can call friends, a safe place, comfortable when I am with them and they celebrate with me when I go out to the places You send me. They love what God is doing and are happy to let me go. I love coming back though.

I thank Him for teaching me to value the relationships that have come my way this year.

Thank you, Lord. Because of Your Presence in this life of mine I am safe, and calm, and comfortable with who I am (isn't that a miracle in itself, Lord?) and thank You, Lord, my God for being my confidant and allowing me to be one of Yours.

It has been an honor to serve You. I am amazed. I am more than okay. Thank You!

meet my friends...

<-- street ministry at HV.


Tangentral Mind is a good friend of mine. He is new to blogworld. Stop by his place and visit awhile...and let him know you were there. One of my saddest reads lately has been over at Today with a Mission. Sad because Rhymes will not be posting for awhile and his stuff is awesome. Visit there and see what he has posted in the past. Ruth is another I visit on a regular basis. TAlk about being out there beyond the church building walls making a difference...she has my heart. And she could sure use some help keeping her building warm during the coming cold Canadian winters. Read her post...maybe the Lord would have you do something for her.



There are others I visit as well, but for now, the above come to mind. I trust God there is a reason for His bringing these to the forefront...we will see. Be back shortly with another day in the life of me.

How to dress like the Daughter of a King for under $30.00

Where do I begin with the story about S. We met almost two years ago when we both started doing Church in the Park. I came to serve, she came to eat. At first she would hardly talk to anyone. She never smiled. She slept in empty trailers and mobile homes around the city.
As time has gone on she has come to trust us and we have spent many Friday mornings laughing and joking and praying for her mother and her pregnant sister. She loves us now. We love her.
Just recently she has moved back home but still comes for church and lunch every week.
Not too long ago she was sad again. She handed me a police report. I thought she had been arrested or something like that. No. She had been attacked and they found her assailant and jailed him. She was afraid. She was humiliated. He touched her...Let me explain about S....she thinks like a child. She is an adult but she is a child inside. She broke down and cried, terrified at what had happened to her.

Then, the next couple of weeks she seemed to forget about the whole ordeal and was happy again.
Two weeks ago she came with another piece of paper...a subpoena to testify against this jerk. She was petrified and didn't want to face her attacker.
I couldn't blame her, could you?
It was just that morning I struggled with putting $30.00 in my pocket. I don't usually have cash on me ever. It keeps me from spending money that I do not need to be spending. But that morning I put the cash in my pocket.
Back to S....she was terrified and as we were parting for the day she cried because she didn't have anything to wear to court.
I gave her the money. I wouldn't usually do that. I would usually take someone to the store and buy what they needed and leave it at that but because of our schedules, both hers and mine that was just not going to happen.
She promised to use it for an outfit. And she did. We, all the women there got around her and we asked the Lord to go before her in that courtroom and He did.
Because last Friday she came to Church in the Park and was beaming. There she was, Black skirt, bright pink button down shirt, and to top it all off she had the cutest pair of black and pink ballet slippers.
She said, "Guess what?"
"What?" we all said.
"This is my new outfit!" said she.
"You look beautiful!" said I.
"Guess what?" said she.
"What?"
"I didn't have to testify!"
She went on to explain that when she got to court and they guy saw her he plead guilty.
"Who did that for you, S?" we said.
"Jesus?" she asked.
"Yes, Jesus did just what we asked Him to do for you when we all prayed together."
She just smiled.
What a glorious day. God, our God out there under the gazebo taking care of such a motley crew as we all are. Imagine that.
There it is... a day in the life of me...getting to watch God as He touches the lives around me.
Church of Acts alive and well under the trees on a Friday morning.

Just stopping by on my way...

November 2nd started with a breeze...so summer is over, finally. It seemed long this year. It probably wasn't but I thought the heat would never go away.

So, have you tried travelling outside your comfort zone yet? Have you dared yourself to reach out where you would otherwise, in a different time, turn your eyes away? Just wondering.

I finally figured out that more than most things I desire, is the desire to see other believers get out and dare to be wrong, to allow God to make them brave, to Just do it!

To listen to His promptings and go with it.

I guess it would be easier for some if they really really knew that this is not a test and you cannot fail. Your attempt to step outside the walls of your comfort zone is His opportunity to live through you and touch the world.

I've got to go...I just wanted to stop by here and let you all know I think about you often and have just been too busy for my own good.

Drop a line and let me know you how you are faring out there in the world that needs Him...
more to come soon... if I could just catch my breath ;)

Trampolines, What if?s, and Hunger

The following email conversation occurred the day following an evening of powerful conversation between a mom, her son, and his friends concerning truth and trampolines,'and the 'what if?' questions they had been exploring; and God's intrusion into that conversation in the form of a homeless one walking by the restaurant window. Even though the conversation was heated, intense, and engaging, without saying a word to each other we knew what had to be done for this intrusion on the other side of the window---

The conversation turned into a most beautiful choreographed ballet as I pushed my wrapped sandwich toward my son who in turn left the restaurant with it and delivered it to the man as the man picked up a broken plastic utensil and stood there wondering if it was something he could eat.
We were waiting on God that night. Though we were entrenched in conversation our eyes were on the man watching and waiting to see what God would have us do without me knowing that what was going on inside of me was going on inside of Jimmy as well.



Mama: Just had to stop what I was doing to tell you I love you and appreciate the conversation last night. God did something but I am not sure what is was, not enough to put in words, anyway.
First: I got to thinking about trampolines, and here is what I have to share…before I forget what I was thinking. Trampolines have legs. The legs are the very things that enable us to bounce around. If you mess with the legs people get hurt real bad. The legs cannot be tampered with in any way…they are designed to hold the trampoline in the air. There are no what ifs concerning the legs. They just are and you have to have faith that the legs hold you up or you will never even get on the trampoline in the first place.
I think, as an older person, legs are a comfort to me and I appreciate their sturdiness. When old people break bones it is very difficult for those old bones to heal so we tend to appreciate those sturdy old legs. But you, and Danny have youth on your side. The legs are taken for granted a little bit because it is so fun to fly in the air and there is so much to discover out there. We both are talking about the trampoline but my discovery is that we are interested in its different parts.
Second: and here is what God is pleased with, not the conversation, but that the conversation did not get in the way of the both of us noticing the man and hearing from Him that he was needing food and giving him that food. I am blessed to be on this journey with you. I am truly blessed. Thank you, Mama

Son: Totally, and in our hearts we are examining the legs to see if what we are relying on, is in fact the most sturdy, most flat foundation.
I know that right now we’re having a good time flying and sometimes we do get broken, but in our brokenness is where God does most of His work.
When bone breaks, it heals stronger, I know that when we’re older it’s harder to heal, and things hurt longer, but I think even though we don’t see the need to fly anymore, it can’t be because we’re afraid of getting hurt, or to think that the pain isn’t worth the revelation, sometimes we use trampolines to lay down on and gaze at the stars. And that’s a good fun thing as well, if that’s what you and God are doing that night. It’s the willingness to get up and jump if someone comes along and needs to experience the flying sensation that matters.
You might not ever need to because you have people around you that are willing to fly (Danny and I) ha-ha. And we in return need to be willing to stop, lie down, and spend the night looking at the stars with the Creator.
I love you too mama, ha-ha always and forever. J

Mama: Yes, I think what I am trying to say is: I still fly, but not as high, and I know the legs will hold me. And…I lie down and look up at the stars too and I love watching you fly knowing I have checked the legs and they will hold your weight! Mama

Another Fried Chicken Adventure...

I was running a bit late for Friday-Morning-Church-in-the-Park so I raced into the Food4less to pick up the Fried Chicken we ordered. I must have had a determined, get this done, walk because the lady in the Deli asked if I was here to pick up the chicken. Actually she said something like, “You look like someone who is here to pick up 50 pieces of chicken.” Yes, I said. She proceeded to hand me the already prepared box of chicken and asked me what I was going to do with it. I told her about the church service we have every Friday for the homeless ones. She was very interested and excited to hear what that was all about.
Nothing we do has a single purpose. It didn’t matter that I was running late. This is what I am learning: to be ready and willing to: be late, miss out, be tired, be disappointed, etc. in the event that God has placed me in front of one of His. Divine connections. Handfuls of purpose. Always watching, expecting, and anticipating His movement and His interception.
Jolene is her name. She shared that and a few other things about herself in those few minutes we talked. She thought the church service in the park was a great idea. She had been homeless, her and her two kids. They never had to sleep in the dirt, she said. They did spend some nights on buses to avoid the dirt. Mostly they found other people to take them in. Then she got this job behind the deli counter and her whole life changed. She said the Lord was really looking out for her and the two kids. Her daughter is now in college and her son is in honors classes at the High School.
She used to go to the church I now go to when she was 11 years old. She used to pop into a Bible Study on a street I used to live on. Thirty years ago. Imagine that! She described the couple who hosted it. Ron and Judy, pastors of my church now were my neighbors on that street. They had Bible studies at their house back then. She wants to come to church Wednesday night.
And maybe she will. I know one thing…I will be visiting her at the deli counter from time to time. Stuff like that does not happen just to happen, you know?
There’s a big car show downtown. You can always tell when some big event is happening down town. The service in the Park is always small. The homeless ones usually get put in jail for the weekend so as not to offend the tourists that come. There were only about 35 this Friday. But the fried chicken was good, and there was plenty for everyone to take baggies filled with chicken legs for later.

It's still hot here in the desert. You would think it wouldn't be so this late in September. But it is. But soon the weather will cool and we will need to get them blankets and scarves and hats and gloves.

We have been knit together by His hand and I curiously await to understand what will become of all this.

Another Friday...all is well!

Another hot Friday morning. Pastors Dave & Jimmy along with Kristina, Erin and others were out of town for the week. We who were in town gathered beneath the trees while some moms and their children used the gazebo. Connie said they would be done by 11:15 which was perfect for us. Pastor Richard came today by request since we were so shorthanded. He had never been before.
The police came, too. Someone had called them out to the park. They knew we met there every Friday and thought maybe we were in trouble. They were great and let us know they were there for us if we ever needed them. We asked them to stay for lunch but they had to go. Pretty cool picture to see us and some of the homeless ones and the police all standing around smiling and laughing and talking together.
One of the things I am learning out here is that there really isn't any "us vs. them". There is definitely no room for that. They are in the struggle of their lives and we have to be willing to reach out to them. Notice I did not qualify who "they" are. I am learning that "they" are anyone without Christ, whether they are wearing a uniform or digging through the garbage to find food to eat. "They" are who we once were.
A short time later the Director of Parks came by. It started out to be a tense situation but that ended well, praise God!
Pastor Dell taught from the Word. Six men knelt with him and Pastor Richard to receive Christ and give their lives to Him. The enemy stirred up some trouble but God's plan was not thwarted!
I tell you, it is absolutely amazing to be watching all this and it is not just the homeless ones who God is speaking to. Pastor Richard said he will bring some hats for these guys next Friday. Pastor Dell who has been with us for a few months now had never dreamed he would be preaching and loving on these homeless ones is now ministering five days a week all over town. Said he can't help it, he doesn't want them to go to hell after living hell on earth. They love him dearly. Pastor Dell is a big guy, former biker, hard core Marine guy. These guys bring him to his knees. They all sang "happy birthday" to him today.
I don't know, I just don't know where this is going. I am rambling today. Don't want to forget anything I guess.
All of who I am is being gently unraveled by Him- opinions, ideas, agenda, motives are all being shown for what they really are deep inside me. It doesn't hurt, there is no struggle, grave clothes come off best if removed slowly and gently. Like Lazarus I stand before Him, once dead, now alive; If I don't resist, I will be unwound shortly.

Crazy Stuff!

Some days you just get by. Some days you just have to be okay with standing your ground. Some days you just don't get why you do the things you do. Some days you just don't feel like you are involved in 'ministry' but in war. And that we are. Some days we don't see it. Some days we do. Friday was one of those difficult days. The demons were out. Women foaming at the mouth and screaming vulgarities during the worship. Just two women really. They weren't even friends. They weren't even egging each other on. It was as if they didn't know each other were there. Crazy stuff. One of our regulars, Amanda, who less than a year ago was very hostile to us, was the only one who could handle the lady with the red top. She was stone cold drunk. Falling over. Cussing. Angry. Amanda would take her by the arm and drag her to the grass area and leave her there. Lady with the red top would eventually find her way back to the gazebo. Amanda would have to remove her. The others, the regulars who come to not only eat but have their church service, kept moving away from her. They complained that they couldn't hear the preaching. Imagine that! Just when you think it is all falling apart someone says something that re-establishes why you are doing what you are doing. They wanted to hear. They consider this their church and they don't like it when someone, even one of their own, interferes. Crazy stuff.
The other lady, Susan, started to caused some trouble. Hissing hatred under her breath. Jimmy prayed, Susan started to foam at the mouth. She was demonized for sure. Her eyes were fixed on Jimmy but he prayed and she disappeared when I wasn't looking. We were all on our toes. Praying with our eyes open. Making sure each other was alright.
Ted preached. His innocence during all this havoc saved him. He had no choice but to allow God to move through him. It was amazing to see the love of God pour out of him toward the very ones who were causing him and us so much trouble. It didn't do much for the ones coming against all of us but wow, it was something to watch all the others watch him treat them all with such respect and yet continue to share the Word. All I knew to do was to move around the gazebo til I was standing across from Ted so that he could focus on me and not be too distracted. I prayed under my breath for the Lord to do what He set out to do. That the enemy should not be allowed to get in the way of anyone's salvation or healing.
Saturday, was the community cleanup at the apartments I have Bible study at. Thirty of us met and swept rocks, raked, etc. lady in the red top showed up, sober, with two others from Fridays service. She did not recognize me. We worked side by side, her and I. We got along fine. Jimmy was at the other end of the property. We didn't know what to make of it. Doug brought them and he has been a Rock in their lives for some time now.
Sunday, during worship, in walks Doug with lady in the red top and her husband. She remembered me from the day before. Pastor asked everyone to get into small groups to pray at the end of the service. Lady with the red top just happened to be near me so she and I and another woman took hands and prayed. All I can say is, as I listened to the prayer that flowed out of me for her I was fully aware of God's hand on her life. The love and mercy that went out to her was so amazing. Prayer ended and I thanked her for all her hard work the day before. She told me she was homeless. I told her I knew that, that I am at the Friday morning church in the Park every Friday, that I had seen her there. She said she was so ashamed. I hugged her and prayed that God would take her shame away. She left with tears. I stayed with tears.
Divine connections, handfuls of purpose. A second in the timeline of man intercepted by the Hand of God and I got to be there to see.
Nothing we do is for nothing. Nothing we do should be for nothing. Everything we do should be ordered by the Lord. When all hell breaks loose you can be sure God is on the move and His Feet are kicking up dust wherever He goes. Think about it, think about all you do as routine every day and think about how easy it is for the Lord to step in at any time and touch a heart, heal a mind, set someone free.
Not one resident came to their own community clean up saturday. Not one. BUT three homeless people did knowing there was nothing in it for them. Nothing is for nothing anymore.

Friday morning Church-in-the-Park

Friday-morning-Church-in-the-Park during the summer can be quite unbearable for those of us who have homes and cars with air conditioning. Two hours in the park, even tho' we are under the gazebo and out from under the sun, really wears on us. Fourth of July proved this to be true. There was a haze that the sun shone through and it seemed to magnify the heat. The air was oppressive and it was hard to move at any normal speed. 115 degrees is just plain hot no matter how you look at it.

The homeless ones know how to live out here. They are still. They don't talk much
They appreciate shaded areas and stay in them.

The rec centers here have opened up their doors during the hot hours of the day and provide cold water and a cool place to hang.
Mostly they just find shade. None of them are really comfortable following rules. None of them feel like others want them around. So they like to stay outside where they don't feel trapped.



Yesterday it was not as hot. A group of them sat under a tree while we worshiped and the pastor shared. The others, around 40 of them sat under the gazebo. Barney was there.
Barney is a quiet guy and we always see him sitting on a bench reading when we are on the main street of our town. He reads a lot, stays pretty much to himself. Loves to talk about sports though. Barney will tell sport stories as long as you will stick around and listen. And he is always sober.


'Til today. For the first time in over two years Barney came to service drunk. It kind of caught me off guard. There are a few who will always come drugged out or drunk. But Barney?
I started to think that we are not having an effect on these homeless ones. I started to question why we are still there.
But not for long. It doesn't matter.
What does matter is that we know we are supposed to be faithful to be there every Friday no matter what.
Rain or shine, heat or cold, drunk or sober, friendly or angry, we need to be about our Father's business.
What is so very interesting is the effect this whole church service is having on the people who come to help serve....how their whole insides are being turned around as they realize how judgemental they have been and how God is teaching them to just be servants and see each of them the way God see all of us...helpless without Him, hopeless without the Holy Spirit to live a life acceptable to God. And by being there we are all learning what love really is; yes they have to be fed. Yes they need sunscreen and water and chap stick. And yes, we are to supply all of that. But that is not the goal, that is not the end of it. The goal is to see them find Jesus, and for them to start to understand they are loved, and valuable, and have a purpose, that is the goal.

And then there was Light...(brokenness continued)

II Corinthians4:6-7 says,

" For it is God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone
in our hearts to give
the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But
we have this treasure in earthen vessels..."

The God of Genesis Who commanded "Let there be light" and by His great power our universe began to form; this universe that scientists and scholars spend back-breaking hours to understand and explain; started with light...Before the sun, moon, and stars, God spoke light into its place and set it in time and gave it a name: day!

He did the very same thing in our hearts. Out of dark hearts God commanded light and a whole new universe (the born-again me) began to unfold. And with that light is this concept of 'earthen vessels', 'clay pots' if you will; that we might never think this light comes from our own selves but only from the God of all creation.

The earthen pots were used to cover the torches of Joshua, but that is not what impacted the battle. It was the breaking of the pots to reveal the light of the torches that caused panic and surrender!!!

In me is a light created by God. God is light. Unless I allow who I am to crack apart no one will ever see that light. My relationship with God must produce cracks and holes...and it will if I stop trying to fix me. My wholeness is not about the putting together of a tidy outer shell but it is in allowing the Lord to shine through me - a common vessel.

The light is what will stop others in their tracks. That light is what will bring others to their knees. That light will bring others to Salvation. Not me, not the vessel, but the light.

So often I find myself gluing and taping the cracks, thinking I am doing well. Then He reminds me of what I am and Who He is. He reminds me that at a certain point in battle it is time for Him to crack the pots and allow the light, His light, to penetrate the darkness. That is how darkness is overcome.

My prayer is that I may know Him more and more, that when it is time for cracks and holes I don't panic, I don't resist...more of Him, less of me, amen.

Brokenness

The parking lot by the church on the corner is old. The parking space lines can barely be seen anymore. There are small hills and valleys made by roots from trees that are not close enough to even be seen.

If you drive by just before sundown, when the sun's light is coming at you almost horizontally you can see it. You can see the cracks in the pavement. They are everywhere.

Time and heat and cold and roots have done this.

The parking lot is broken.

But, if you drive by just before sundown, you know, when the light is coming at you almost horizontally you can see more than just the cracks...grass and weeds are growing up through those cracks.

The life that had been hidden and pressed down and buried beneath the tar and asphalt is re-emerging.

Brokenness- it sounds like a negative...

but in the Kingdom it is inevitable. That asphalt and tar covered the earth and its life the way a callous covers a toe, the way crusty old stone stuff covers our hearts.

Until the Lord comes and starts the process of cracking us the life remains hidden beneath that grotesque stuff we have used to 'protect' us for so long.

I love the parking lot by the church...it reminds me of my heart and even though the stuff of life has hammered away at it, I get to see the life that has been hidden for so long coming up through the cracks reaching toward the sun. What had been hidden underneath was no good to anyone until it broke through the cracks...

My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give
praise. ~Psalm 57:7
O God, my heart is fixed; I will sing and give praise, even with
my glory. ~Psalm 108:1
Surely he shall not be moved for ever: the righteous shall be in
everlasting remembrance. He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is
fixed, trusting in the Lord. ~Psalm 112:6&7

...Now I will arise. (Psalm 12.5)

We walked the property of HVillage on Thursday evening recently. Bible study at Gloria's had been cancelled. Gloria was not feeling well. I couldn't stay home so I went over to the Village anyway, not really knowing what to do. After walking around the property for a time just kind of talking to the Lord about what I am doing there, and if maybe this time is over, maybe I should move on to the next place...

I called Tracy and she came to meet me there. We walked and talked and prayed over the place. After a time we ran into one of the moms that live there. She was outside with the baby watching her older ones play. She doesn't venture far from her doorstep, neither do her children. She grew up in this place and now she finds herself living there as a mom. She knows what goes on around here and she is careful to watch where her kids are every minute.

We sat and visited for a while and talked. She had lots of questions, but mostly her questions were about God and was He going to forgive her for some things she had done. She especially wanted to know if God could forgive her for having an abortion. It is bothering her greatly.

That was a week ago....this past Friday at our Park gathering for the homeless ones, I met Sue. I've never seen her before. She is a slight woman, short pixie style hair, icy blue eyes, and thin. She had an accident while she was at the park and was mortified. One of the other serving women took her home, let her shower and gave her a change of clothes. Now here she comes, down the food line toward me. As she holds the plate in her hand the tears come. She says she doesn't want to eat...just can't. Kristina lets Sue know its all right, we all understand. Sue just lets the tears fall. Her plate tips. I take it and offer to carry it back to where ever it is she is sitting.
She has picked a table far from everyone else. It is under a tree. As I sat with her and tried to make some sense of her sadness she turned to me and her sorrow turns to torment as she cries out, "Can God forgive me?, Can He really forgive me?"
I told her that He already has but she was in a strange place, not really hearing anything outside her own torment.
"But", she said, "I've done some really, really bad things. Will He forgive me even if I had abortions?" "Yes", I said, "He already has".
"But..."

Her torment penetrated me to the core. I recognized it. Her desperate place scared me, and all I know is if you don't reach past the torment, if you sit in it and don't grab at the anchor of hope someone is holding out to you you drown.
Sue is in a strange place, for soon after this moment passed, she started to talk about getting baptized and as tormented as she was a second ago she was now elated to the sky.

I think that I didn't reach Sue and I struggle to understand what part I play in all this...What am I doing out here where the pain screams at you as you pass by. Out here where insanity is not hidden, and anger sizzles deep within some of these hearts. I do not know what good I do...but lately I get the feeling that I can't be in any other place.
Russ is still an alcoholic who weeps at the mention of the Lord. Russ loves Jesus dearly. But not enough to walk away from his first love. I don't see some folks anymore who used to come regularly.
And it has been hot, summer in the desert is here once again.
B's birth certificate finally came and now he can get some work. We will see.

I am struck by the two women from two different places both crying out about what they've done. Both lost in the maze of guilt and shame and pain. Both reaching toward a God who they really do not think can handle what they have done.
Jesus came for these ones. Jesus is here. They don't see it yet but He is. He is very near. I want to be there when they finally recognize Him and get it, get that He is greater than their greatest sin, that He has a place for them, that they have value.
So, this journey continues...I take steps, one by one, not really knowing where exactly it is I am going. But very aware that I am walking where I should be.
Kingdom stuff...