...Now I will arise. (Psalm 12.5)

We walked the property of HVillage on Thursday evening recently. Bible study at Gloria's had been cancelled. Gloria was not feeling well. I couldn't stay home so I went over to the Village anyway, not really knowing what to do. After walking around the property for a time just kind of talking to the Lord about what I am doing there, and if maybe this time is over, maybe I should move on to the next place...

I called Tracy and she came to meet me there. We walked and talked and prayed over the place. After a time we ran into one of the moms that live there. She was outside with the baby watching her older ones play. She doesn't venture far from her doorstep, neither do her children. She grew up in this place and now she finds herself living there as a mom. She knows what goes on around here and she is careful to watch where her kids are every minute.

We sat and visited for a while and talked. She had lots of questions, but mostly her questions were about God and was He going to forgive her for some things she had done. She especially wanted to know if God could forgive her for having an abortion. It is bothering her greatly.

That was a week ago....this past Friday at our Park gathering for the homeless ones, I met Sue. I've never seen her before. She is a slight woman, short pixie style hair, icy blue eyes, and thin. She had an accident while she was at the park and was mortified. One of the other serving women took her home, let her shower and gave her a change of clothes. Now here she comes, down the food line toward me. As she holds the plate in her hand the tears come. She says she doesn't want to eat...just can't. Kristina lets Sue know its all right, we all understand. Sue just lets the tears fall. Her plate tips. I take it and offer to carry it back to where ever it is she is sitting.
She has picked a table far from everyone else. It is under a tree. As I sat with her and tried to make some sense of her sadness she turned to me and her sorrow turns to torment as she cries out, "Can God forgive me?, Can He really forgive me?"
I told her that He already has but she was in a strange place, not really hearing anything outside her own torment.
"But", she said, "I've done some really, really bad things. Will He forgive me even if I had abortions?" "Yes", I said, "He already has".
"But..."

Her torment penetrated me to the core. I recognized it. Her desperate place scared me, and all I know is if you don't reach past the torment, if you sit in it and don't grab at the anchor of hope someone is holding out to you you drown.
Sue is in a strange place, for soon after this moment passed, she started to talk about getting baptized and as tormented as she was a second ago she was now elated to the sky.

I think that I didn't reach Sue and I struggle to understand what part I play in all this...What am I doing out here where the pain screams at you as you pass by. Out here where insanity is not hidden, and anger sizzles deep within some of these hearts. I do not know what good I do...but lately I get the feeling that I can't be in any other place.
Russ is still an alcoholic who weeps at the mention of the Lord. Russ loves Jesus dearly. But not enough to walk away from his first love. I don't see some folks anymore who used to come regularly.
And it has been hot, summer in the desert is here once again.
B's birth certificate finally came and now he can get some work. We will see.

I am struck by the two women from two different places both crying out about what they've done. Both lost in the maze of guilt and shame and pain. Both reaching toward a God who they really do not think can handle what they have done.
Jesus came for these ones. Jesus is here. They don't see it yet but He is. He is very near. I want to be there when they finally recognize Him and get it, get that He is greater than their greatest sin, that He has a place for them, that they have value.
So, this journey continues...I take steps, one by one, not really knowing where exactly it is I am going. But very aware that I am walking where I should be.
Kingdom stuff...

Certified Organic

Organic- that is the only word I find fits what is happening on Friday mornings. Organic, not as in no pesticides or chemicals, not that kind. Organic like a seedling growing into a tree, a flower making way for a pear, an earthworm aerating the soil...you know, organic.

Last Friday, as Jimmy led us all in a few worship songs, one of the men came and knelt under the gazebo, on the cold dirty cement which caused many more including me to worship on our knees. Even Connie, the lady who makes the soup every week came and knelt.(her knees locked for a bit and she couldn't get up so the men came and held her up 'til she could stand). As the sun beat on my face and the cold air swept through my clothes the tears just came.

We were a church in the most organic sense...a living, breathing organism whispering the song to the Lord under the gazebo. All sense of 'being watched' vanished as we became one body. O for a month of Fridays...
Today two men gave their lives to the Lord. They came and prayed with Jimmy.
R. was there today. He doesn't look good. The whites of his eyes are very yellow. He is suffering with his seizures. He cries when we tell him how much he is loved by God and by us. But he is trapped in an addiction that is taking his life...what will happen to R? He lost his mom recently and has never been able to cope with it. Pray for R, please...the enemy of our souls must not win. Will you stand with me as I fight for R. in the spirit?

A lady came today for the first time...I will call her C. A dear friend who was with me today knows her and she told me a little about C's life. Many years ago one of her daughters died by accidental drowning. C broke and was never the same. She has a fierce love for the Lord. Her husband is very abusive. C did not come because she is homeless. She has a home and a family. I do not know why she was there today but we got to pray with her as she released some things to the Lord. A minute later, while we were not paying attention she was gone.

If I could, there would be churches like this one all over this town. I can't make it happen but I am stirred to get very quiet again that I may hear Him....there is hope for the lost and I want to be there when they grasp it.
In my next post I am leaning towards sharing my heart concerning worship...I have been in a conversation with a friend about this and thought I would jot down what has been developing from that.
Til then, bless...

Friday morning Christmas in the Park

I am speechless and blessed....my best Christmas ever. Talk to you all soon...

Amazing Grace...

Last week, when it rained for the Friday Morning Church in the Park gathering, I ran over to the Rite-Aid on the corner to buy some charcoals. The charcoals we brought were soggy from the rain.
I couldn't find any bags, it being terribly out of season for barbecuing, so I asked the clerk. She searched the aisles with me and we found two bags at $10.99!!!!!!!!!!! a bag. Ouch! We both marveled at the price. Neither one of us had any authority to change it.
She just happened to be at the register when I checked out. Through our conversation I mentioned we were barbecuing at the park. She asked if we were the ones who fed the homeless on Fridays. I was amazed that she even knew about it but here is why she did:
One of the men we minister to, I will call him R., a young man who suffers with alcoholism, has been a regular customer there at the Rite Aid...he has befriended this checker. She explained to me that she feels sorry for him and buys him a beer once in a while. She knows she shouldn't but she doesn't want him to do something illegal to get a beer. She said that R. will always say to her, Ma'am, I am going to take this beer, go sit under a tree at the park, take out my Scriptures and read.
The checker is most fond of R. and we both got teary-eyed when she shared this.

Well! Yesterday, I got to the Park early. R. and a friend of his were walking by on their way to the gazebo. They stopped and we talked. It turns out that R. got his stuff stolen: a backpack with his Bible, his anti-seizure medicine, and a radio. He was heartbroken about the Bible and the medicine. I didn't know he had seizures. Another pastor in town, who gets R. to church on Sundays, filled R.'s prescription for him. R. said all was well now, this Pastor got him a Bible and some more medicine.
Here is this young man, so bound up by alcohol, robbed of medicine, and this is what he shared after I said I met his friend at the Rite Aid...
R. said that that lady is very nice to him and he always goes there to buy things when he has money. He said that one day last week this lady got to talking with R. and she shared that she was in trouble financially. Her job just wasn't paying the bills. She said that she spoke with her boss about getting an advance on her paycheck.R. Prayed for her and encouraged her to Trust the Lord. He prayed for her right there on the spot.
As he spoke, his face lit up as he explained that the checker just found out that she has many hours of overtime coming to her. She shared that with R. R. said the checker thanked him and he said, It ain't me lady, its the Lord who did this! He praised God and so did I and so did his friend as we stood there listening to him.
On another note, M. came today and when I saw her I could tell she wasn't feeling good. When I asked her what was wrong she could barely hear me. She has a huge infection raging in her ears and glands. She sat on the cold cement benches barely eating all bundled up and not herself. She had been to the emergency room and they gave her a prescription for antibiotics but she didn't have any money to get it filled. One of the others went to the drugstore with the prescription and got it filled for her.
When I left I stopped by her to say goodbye and we hugged and I prayed for her healing. AS I walked away I was overcome with sadness that she was out there so sick.
I know that I can't fix everything...I know there are limitations and it takes the whole Christian community to pitch in and snatch others away from destruction...I know that...but I cried for M. How do they get themselves so dysfunctional that they cannot even care for themselves and maintain the basics. What makes it easier for them to be sick in the cold and rain than to have bare minimums like food and shelter.
And then there is this thought: Do any of us realize that to God we look just like the R's and M's? That we look poor, wretched, blind, miserable, and naked to God, destitute and helpless without Him? We see a difference between us and them but without God we are just as decrepit.
Here is the joy of it, though: As we go, if we dare, if we are obedient to the call to get out there and share the love of God, and offer the hope that is the Gospel, if we do that, we do well. Some will never leave their lifestyle. That is not a measure of salvation. R. prayed for a lady with a job and her need was met. R is spreading the Gospel! If R can pray for people and he does, what the heck should we be doing????? Discussing the wrongs of the church? Asking questions for the pure sake of hearing our own intellectual savvy? I think not...
We think we have a corner on what church should be...again, I say, what will you do to be the church as God purposed it to be? How long will we all sit and ponder the theories and what-ifs of the Word before we realize there are people entering eternity with no knowledge of God or what He did for them. I challenge you all to get out there and do, not a random act of kindness, but an 'on-purpose, with purpose, gospel action to and for someone you meet....do it in the Name of Jesus...let's get movin', just go out and see what the Lord would have you do today for a lost soul.
Then, let's get back here and celebrate together over what the Lord has done out there. Don't miss it! Don't miss out on what you have been called to do. It ain't about us anymore...

Franny, me, and fried chicken...

Franny and I went to get the food today. The gentleman who had cooked the meal was stranded with a broken car on the other side of town. We weren't sure if what we had would be enough so Franny and I both offered to go to Smith's and get some of their fried chicken and chips.

I had never met Franny before. She waited in her pick-up for everyone to arrive this morning while I waited in my car. I always do that...wait in the car. Jimmy made me promise that I would not wait by myself out in the park if I got there early. Today was no different. I called Bekah and I sat and talked with her when I saw the pickup pull in next to me.

When the others arrived with the drinks and part of the meal Franny and I got out of our respective sanctuaries and went over to help Christina. That's when we heard the food would be very late in getting there. I asked Christina if we should go and get food ourselves, you know, ready made. We decided I'd go and get the chicken.

That's when I heard Franny say she wanted to go as well. I thought that was great. Franny and I got into my car and we introduced ourselves.

She and her family just moved here in April. They have not been to the Journey very much...her husband has problems in large social situations. But the time she did go she heard about the Friday morning church service in the park. So, for her birthday she treated herself to some ministry and came to help...I thought that was so cool to give on your birthday.

Sometimes, all a person needs is the opportunity to be a giver...sometimes God simply drops people into the right situations so that they can find the value in their lives.

Franny is thirty-three and has two children. She said that when she came to the desert that's when she saw the majesty of God. That's how I felt thirty years ago when I came to the desert for the first time. That was in New Mexico and I was a hippy looking to find myself. I am so glad that I found God instead. Franny was three years old then.

Now, here we meet, at a church service in the park where 45-50 homeless people join us for a meal and a word. And isn't it funny that we both sat in our cars, waiting for the troops (so to speak).

And isn't it funny that we both thought the same thing when we first laid our eyes on the desert thirty years apart. Isn't it funny and awesome and good that God has not changed...His magnificence still astounds us and affects us no matter what generation we are.

I doubt that Franny and I grew up listening to the same music or having the same politics. I don't think she ever had to travel back and forth across this country to find herself. I think our lives and tastes were very different. But God. His entrance in to both our lives has brought us to the same spot in the universe to do the same thing and for similar reasons.

We missed the Word part of the service today but that's okay. Franny and I got to see how God moves history around to get the job done.

Simple church, God's way, amazing!

Friday morning...

When I pulled up to the park this morning there were already 15 or so there. Some were laying under the trees, being real still, saving their energy. Others sat around and on a shaded table off to the side. There were only a couple under the gazebo. No one from my side was there yet so I didn't get out of my car.

I have a new car. Everything works; the air conditioning, the radio, the lights... I sat in my car with the engine running, the air on, and the doors locked. I figured it would be best to wait this way 'til someone came.

Those that were there already could see me but they didn't beckon me to get out of the car. They knew why I stayed there. It didn't make them feel bad though. They knew I was being careful for a reason. They agreed with my behavior.

Finally Jimmy and Pastor Dave came with the food. Those at the table and under the trees arose and met us. I was out of the car now. They came to help carry the food and drinks to the gazebo.

They always help. We feed them first and then we have church. They always stay
'til the end and then they help us get everything back to the car. We go our way in our air conditioned cars and they...well, they retreat back into the desert or to the library where they can sit in the coolness and pretend to read the newspapers. Mostly they wander around downtown til dark and then head back to camp.

They are the homeless ones. We are not. But once a week we meet and have church in the park.

Some would say we go and feed the homeless. To me, it is church in the park. Pastor shares the Word, sometimes we sing a song or two. The food is good...at least they always thank us for our trouble.

Many of our regulars were not there today. Some of them had pink slips of paper, tickets over $600.00 each for being homeless. Wednesday was July 4th, Independence day...so a lot of our regulars were not there, especially the women. We think they are in jail for the weekend.

But once a week, for a couple of hours, we have the same life, we and them. We sit together and eat and listen and pray.

Jimmy says they are all mostly left over cowboys with no cows...

It's the highlight of the week for me. I love going to Friday morning church in the park. It's real and good and full of Jesus.

Simple, church.