Someday I might just figure out why I had to live out a few things this past week. One of them was a polygraph test for a job. Never done that before...never will again.
It has bothered me more than I thought it would. Not telling the truth, that didn't bother me, but telling the truth about stuff under the Blood, and feeling guilty and condemned and ashamed all over again...it knocked the wind right out of me. Maybe it should have. Maybe we forget all too soon what pit we have been rescued from.
Now I do not recommend dwelling on where we all came from. Talk about guaranteed despair! But it would be wise to do an inventory once in a great while and remind ourselves how wretched we are without Jesus. How wretched indeed. I remembered and talked about things I have never spoken out loud. Horrible! Awful! Disgusting!
My God is not surprised. He knows what I was. He knows what He has wrought in me. While the experience of talking to a stranger about my past was so very difficult it brought me to a new knowledge of "Amazing Grace". His grace over me is amazing, nothing short of a miracle. Stepping out of the building and into the sunshine brought me to tears. I was undone. Wretched, poor, blind, miserable, naked, UNDONE.
Which only proves to me that I had started to think way too much of myself.
I would not want to relive that polygraph ever, but I did realize how out of perspective my life had become.
I am no different than anyone else. As a matter of fact I can state honestly that I am worse than many. But God has done a great thing. God is working in me both to will and to do His good pleasure. He who began a good work in me is completing it and will continue to do so until Jesus comes.
I am a little sick in my stomach still. Embarrassed about a past that is redeemed.
It is good to be one of His, paid for, bought, saved, secure, it is good...
...Amazing grace
how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see...
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see...
Posts
1 comment:
Oh, dear heart...
I am reminded of something my pastor at Hope once said - Ben Patterson:
"The stuff I've done? Oh...man. I am so sorry for the stuff I've done. Justice would demand that I never speak another word to anyone. But mercy says, 'You're my son, Ben.' And I get to stand up every once and awhile and tell you how good God is."
You are His daughter, dear one. Mercy covers, enfolds, engulfs you like the softest and warmest of blankets on a dark and cold night. It crackles merrily like a fire on a hearth, shedding soft, pleasant, natural light. It sings softly of grace, love, gentleness, peace.
Yesterday? That was yesterday. His mercies are new every morning. It matters not what any man (or woman) thinks of us - it is His counsel we keep. And He looks at you and sees a daughter He loves very deeply, made in His image, and completely redeemed.
Faint not, my friend. We've all been wretches. "And we all also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive again in Christ." Ephesians 2, I think, verses 2-5 maybe? :) I can't remember - I've never been great with references - but it's what it says. :)
Rest in that grace, my friend.
love you -
Hap
Post a Comment