Time Flies!

A month has passed since my last post...and along the way there were quite a few things I wanted to share. But as with most thoughts, if I wait too long they seem to go there own way to somewhere I do not know



I can tell you that there is something new everyday in the Kingdom that I get to witness. Some of it is just for me, stuff that takes me closer to Him. I have come to love those private little sessions with God that happen for no apparent reason. Life is happening and then, all of a sudden, there He is, showing me something, whispering which way to go.



About mid December my friend Rosie and her husband decorated the church for Christmas. I was at HV for our big Christmas event with the kids there. There were some Christmas trees and then, right behind the trees, was a big cross. It stood taller than the trees. I liked it. I liked being reminded that the reason He was born was to die. I like when life gets put back into perspective for me.

Christmas eve morn I was reading the Word according to the schedule I am on. It is kind of great, this devo time, and I have just completed my first year being faithful to a reading plan. It has really forced me to look at parts of the Word that I probably wouldn't have selected myself. Anyway, I digress. Christmas eve morn it dawned on me that I was at the end of the gospel of John. There it was, that cross again, right in the middle of Christmas. I do not think that I was ever more aware of His end at His beginning as I had become this year.

He was born to die, willingly, for me, for more than me. For more than you. It is a huge picture and I just get glimpses of how very big it is once in a while.

We serve a great God.

Heather, she was a homeless one and used to come and eat at Friday-morning-church-in-the-Park. She has a young baby. They would come and sometimes I would get to help her carry her plates because she was carrying her baby. At the Christmas event at HV I just happened to see her there. She gave me a big hug, she didn't know I did stuff over there. We were both surprised to see each other there. She just got housing there. She isn't homeless anymore.


Kelly is another happy story. Kelly has been with us for over a year now. He is homeless. He comes for lunch and service and is, for the most part, a loner. His foot was terribly infected this past summer and he wouldn't get the help he needed because he knew if they operated on his foot he wouldn't be able to survive out in the desert not being able to get around to get food and shade. So we prayed with him. We prayed for the Lord to heal his foot and for there to be away for him to get the help he needs without being stranded. Just recently he told us that the prayer worked. Not only was his foot getting better but there was a place on the other side of town that would fix his foot, get his diabetes under control, and give him a place to stay till they got his health back . He was so grateful. He smiled! Kelly doesn't smile. He did that day. And he knew it was the Lord who did it. I am so glad he told us all about it. Like Heather, Kelly is family and we really do need to know that God is moving in there lives, on their behalf. That what we are doing is what He would have us do.


When I started blogging I did not know where God was leading me, but I knew I was facing big changes. You all in blog land were so very encouraging. I know that getting all my thoughts down outside of me and your input along the way has enriched my life.


I am looking forward to this coming year and what God will be doing in us and through us. It will be a good year, a big year, with purpose and potential. We have this awesome opportunity to get out there and be the church we want the church to be. May our hands be filled with His Purpose in all we do.


Thanks again for being apart of my world this past year and allowing me to be apart of yours.

On this damp, gray, Thanksgiving morn...

As I sit here at the table waiting for the coffee to brew I can smell the rain in the air. It is gray today, and wet, and I am home this morning, and that is good.
Just a few minutes ago I was lying in bed talking to my Lord. We were going over the things I have found to be profound in my life this past year. We were discussing what I am thankful to Him for.

I am thankful that He is the first voice I hear most mornings and the last I hear at night. I am thankful for the grace He allows me to walk in, not only for myself but through me for others.

And not only grace but mercy and compassion. I am thankful for this new heart of mine that break easily for others now; for a sound mind which is so much easier to live with than the old one.

I love breathing, I love taking in cold, crisp, autumn air. I love letting it go. I thank Him for air and lungs and clear, crisp mornings.

I thank Him for my family. What an honor to be able to see them grow and change and continue to always love me and God; and for the body of Christ that He has placed me in, and pastors I can call friends, a safe place, comfortable when I am with them and they celebrate with me when I go out to the places You send me. They love what God is doing and are happy to let me go. I love coming back though.

I thank Him for teaching me to value the relationships that have come my way this year.

Thank you, Lord. Because of Your Presence in this life of mine I am safe, and calm, and comfortable with who I am (isn't that a miracle in itself, Lord?) and thank You, Lord, my God for being my confidant and allowing me to be one of Yours.

It has been an honor to serve You. I am amazed. I am more than okay. Thank You!

meet my friends...

<-- street ministry at HV.


Tangentral Mind is a good friend of mine. He is new to blogworld. Stop by his place and visit awhile...and let him know you were there. One of my saddest reads lately has been over at Today with a Mission. Sad because Rhymes will not be posting for awhile and his stuff is awesome. Visit there and see what he has posted in the past. Ruth is another I visit on a regular basis. TAlk about being out there beyond the church building walls making a difference...she has my heart. And she could sure use some help keeping her building warm during the coming cold Canadian winters. Read her post...maybe the Lord would have you do something for her.



There are others I visit as well, but for now, the above come to mind. I trust God there is a reason for His bringing these to the forefront...we will see. Be back shortly with another day in the life of me.

How to dress like the Daughter of a King for under $30.00

Where do I begin with the story about S. We met almost two years ago when we both started doing Church in the Park. I came to serve, she came to eat. At first she would hardly talk to anyone. She never smiled. She slept in empty trailers and mobile homes around the city.
As time has gone on she has come to trust us and we have spent many Friday mornings laughing and joking and praying for her mother and her pregnant sister. She loves us now. We love her.
Just recently she has moved back home but still comes for church and lunch every week.
Not too long ago she was sad again. She handed me a police report. I thought she had been arrested or something like that. No. She had been attacked and they found her assailant and jailed him. She was afraid. She was humiliated. He touched her...Let me explain about S....she thinks like a child. She is an adult but she is a child inside. She broke down and cried, terrified at what had happened to her.

Then, the next couple of weeks she seemed to forget about the whole ordeal and was happy again.
Two weeks ago she came with another piece of paper...a subpoena to testify against this jerk. She was petrified and didn't want to face her attacker.
I couldn't blame her, could you?
It was just that morning I struggled with putting $30.00 in my pocket. I don't usually have cash on me ever. It keeps me from spending money that I do not need to be spending. But that morning I put the cash in my pocket.
Back to S....she was terrified and as we were parting for the day she cried because she didn't have anything to wear to court.
I gave her the money. I wouldn't usually do that. I would usually take someone to the store and buy what they needed and leave it at that but because of our schedules, both hers and mine that was just not going to happen.
She promised to use it for an outfit. And she did. We, all the women there got around her and we asked the Lord to go before her in that courtroom and He did.
Because last Friday she came to Church in the Park and was beaming. There she was, Black skirt, bright pink button down shirt, and to top it all off she had the cutest pair of black and pink ballet slippers.
She said, "Guess what?"
"What?" we all said.
"This is my new outfit!" said she.
"You look beautiful!" said I.
"Guess what?" said she.
"What?"
"I didn't have to testify!"
She went on to explain that when she got to court and they guy saw her he plead guilty.
"Who did that for you, S?" we said.
"Jesus?" she asked.
"Yes, Jesus did just what we asked Him to do for you when we all prayed together."
She just smiled.
What a glorious day. God, our God out there under the gazebo taking care of such a motley crew as we all are. Imagine that.
There it is... a day in the life of me...getting to watch God as He touches the lives around me.
Church of Acts alive and well under the trees on a Friday morning.

Just stopping by on my way...

November 2nd started with a breeze...so summer is over, finally. It seemed long this year. It probably wasn't but I thought the heat would never go away.

So, have you tried travelling outside your comfort zone yet? Have you dared yourself to reach out where you would otherwise, in a different time, turn your eyes away? Just wondering.

I finally figured out that more than most things I desire, is the desire to see other believers get out and dare to be wrong, to allow God to make them brave, to Just do it!

To listen to His promptings and go with it.

I guess it would be easier for some if they really really knew that this is not a test and you cannot fail. Your attempt to step outside the walls of your comfort zone is His opportunity to live through you and touch the world.

I've got to go...I just wanted to stop by here and let you all know I think about you often and have just been too busy for my own good.

Drop a line and let me know you how you are faring out there in the world that needs Him...
more to come soon... if I could just catch my breath ;)

Trampolines, What if?s, and Hunger

The following email conversation occurred the day following an evening of powerful conversation between a mom, her son, and his friends concerning truth and trampolines,'and the 'what if?' questions they had been exploring; and God's intrusion into that conversation in the form of a homeless one walking by the restaurant window. Even though the conversation was heated, intense, and engaging, without saying a word to each other we knew what had to be done for this intrusion on the other side of the window---

The conversation turned into a most beautiful choreographed ballet as I pushed my wrapped sandwich toward my son who in turn left the restaurant with it and delivered it to the man as the man picked up a broken plastic utensil and stood there wondering if it was something he could eat.
We were waiting on God that night. Though we were entrenched in conversation our eyes were on the man watching and waiting to see what God would have us do without me knowing that what was going on inside of me was going on inside of Jimmy as well.



Mama: Just had to stop what I was doing to tell you I love you and appreciate the conversation last night. God did something but I am not sure what is was, not enough to put in words, anyway.
First: I got to thinking about trampolines, and here is what I have to share…before I forget what I was thinking. Trampolines have legs. The legs are the very things that enable us to bounce around. If you mess with the legs people get hurt real bad. The legs cannot be tampered with in any way…they are designed to hold the trampoline in the air. There are no what ifs concerning the legs. They just are and you have to have faith that the legs hold you up or you will never even get on the trampoline in the first place.
I think, as an older person, legs are a comfort to me and I appreciate their sturdiness. When old people break bones it is very difficult for those old bones to heal so we tend to appreciate those sturdy old legs. But you, and Danny have youth on your side. The legs are taken for granted a little bit because it is so fun to fly in the air and there is so much to discover out there. We both are talking about the trampoline but my discovery is that we are interested in its different parts.
Second: and here is what God is pleased with, not the conversation, but that the conversation did not get in the way of the both of us noticing the man and hearing from Him that he was needing food and giving him that food. I am blessed to be on this journey with you. I am truly blessed. Thank you, Mama

Son: Totally, and in our hearts we are examining the legs to see if what we are relying on, is in fact the most sturdy, most flat foundation.
I know that right now we’re having a good time flying and sometimes we do get broken, but in our brokenness is where God does most of His work.
When bone breaks, it heals stronger, I know that when we’re older it’s harder to heal, and things hurt longer, but I think even though we don’t see the need to fly anymore, it can’t be because we’re afraid of getting hurt, or to think that the pain isn’t worth the revelation, sometimes we use trampolines to lay down on and gaze at the stars. And that’s a good fun thing as well, if that’s what you and God are doing that night. It’s the willingness to get up and jump if someone comes along and needs to experience the flying sensation that matters.
You might not ever need to because you have people around you that are willing to fly (Danny and I) ha-ha. And we in return need to be willing to stop, lie down, and spend the night looking at the stars with the Creator.
I love you too mama, ha-ha always and forever. J

Mama: Yes, I think what I am trying to say is: I still fly, but not as high, and I know the legs will hold me. And…I lie down and look up at the stars too and I love watching you fly knowing I have checked the legs and they will hold your weight! Mama

Another Fried Chicken Adventure...

I was running a bit late for Friday-Morning-Church-in-the-Park so I raced into the Food4less to pick up the Fried Chicken we ordered. I must have had a determined, get this done, walk because the lady in the Deli asked if I was here to pick up the chicken. Actually she said something like, “You look like someone who is here to pick up 50 pieces of chicken.” Yes, I said. She proceeded to hand me the already prepared box of chicken and asked me what I was going to do with it. I told her about the church service we have every Friday for the homeless ones. She was very interested and excited to hear what that was all about.
Nothing we do has a single purpose. It didn’t matter that I was running late. This is what I am learning: to be ready and willing to: be late, miss out, be tired, be disappointed, etc. in the event that God has placed me in front of one of His. Divine connections. Handfuls of purpose. Always watching, expecting, and anticipating His movement and His interception.
Jolene is her name. She shared that and a few other things about herself in those few minutes we talked. She thought the church service in the park was a great idea. She had been homeless, her and her two kids. They never had to sleep in the dirt, she said. They did spend some nights on buses to avoid the dirt. Mostly they found other people to take them in. Then she got this job behind the deli counter and her whole life changed. She said the Lord was really looking out for her and the two kids. Her daughter is now in college and her son is in honors classes at the High School.
She used to go to the church I now go to when she was 11 years old. She used to pop into a Bible Study on a street I used to live on. Thirty years ago. Imagine that! She described the couple who hosted it. Ron and Judy, pastors of my church now were my neighbors on that street. They had Bible studies at their house back then. She wants to come to church Wednesday night.
And maybe she will. I know one thing…I will be visiting her at the deli counter from time to time. Stuff like that does not happen just to happen, you know?
There’s a big car show downtown. You can always tell when some big event is happening down town. The service in the Park is always small. The homeless ones usually get put in jail for the weekend so as not to offend the tourists that come. There were only about 35 this Friday. But the fried chicken was good, and there was plenty for everyone to take baggies filled with chicken legs for later.

It's still hot here in the desert. You would think it wouldn't be so this late in September. But it is. But soon the weather will cool and we will need to get them blankets and scarves and hats and gloves.

We have been knit together by His hand and I curiously await to understand what will become of all this.

Another Friday...all is well!

Another hot Friday morning. Pastors Dave & Jimmy along with Kristina, Erin and others were out of town for the week. We who were in town gathered beneath the trees while some moms and their children used the gazebo. Connie said they would be done by 11:15 which was perfect for us. Pastor Richard came today by request since we were so shorthanded. He had never been before.
The police came, too. Someone had called them out to the park. They knew we met there every Friday and thought maybe we were in trouble. They were great and let us know they were there for us if we ever needed them. We asked them to stay for lunch but they had to go. Pretty cool picture to see us and some of the homeless ones and the police all standing around smiling and laughing and talking together.
One of the things I am learning out here is that there really isn't any "us vs. them". There is definitely no room for that. They are in the struggle of their lives and we have to be willing to reach out to them. Notice I did not qualify who "they" are. I am learning that "they" are anyone without Christ, whether they are wearing a uniform or digging through the garbage to find food to eat. "They" are who we once were.
A short time later the Director of Parks came by. It started out to be a tense situation but that ended well, praise God!
Pastor Dell taught from the Word. Six men knelt with him and Pastor Richard to receive Christ and give their lives to Him. The enemy stirred up some trouble but God's plan was not thwarted!
I tell you, it is absolutely amazing to be watching all this and it is not just the homeless ones who God is speaking to. Pastor Richard said he will bring some hats for these guys next Friday. Pastor Dell who has been with us for a few months now had never dreamed he would be preaching and loving on these homeless ones is now ministering five days a week all over town. Said he can't help it, he doesn't want them to go to hell after living hell on earth. They love him dearly. Pastor Dell is a big guy, former biker, hard core Marine guy. These guys bring him to his knees. They all sang "happy birthday" to him today.
I don't know, I just don't know where this is going. I am rambling today. Don't want to forget anything I guess.
All of who I am is being gently unraveled by Him- opinions, ideas, agenda, motives are all being shown for what they really are deep inside me. It doesn't hurt, there is no struggle, grave clothes come off best if removed slowly and gently. Like Lazarus I stand before Him, once dead, now alive; If I don't resist, I will be unwound shortly.

Crazy Stuff!

Some days you just get by. Some days you just have to be okay with standing your ground. Some days you just don't get why you do the things you do. Some days you just don't feel like you are involved in 'ministry' but in war. And that we are. Some days we don't see it. Some days we do. Friday was one of those difficult days. The demons were out. Women foaming at the mouth and screaming vulgarities during the worship. Just two women really. They weren't even friends. They weren't even egging each other on. It was as if they didn't know each other were there. Crazy stuff. One of our regulars, Amanda, who less than a year ago was very hostile to us, was the only one who could handle the lady with the red top. She was stone cold drunk. Falling over. Cussing. Angry. Amanda would take her by the arm and drag her to the grass area and leave her there. Lady with the red top would eventually find her way back to the gazebo. Amanda would have to remove her. The others, the regulars who come to not only eat but have their church service, kept moving away from her. They complained that they couldn't hear the preaching. Imagine that! Just when you think it is all falling apart someone says something that re-establishes why you are doing what you are doing. They wanted to hear. They consider this their church and they don't like it when someone, even one of their own, interferes. Crazy stuff.
The other lady, Susan, started to caused some trouble. Hissing hatred under her breath. Jimmy prayed, Susan started to foam at the mouth. She was demonized for sure. Her eyes were fixed on Jimmy but he prayed and she disappeared when I wasn't looking. We were all on our toes. Praying with our eyes open. Making sure each other was alright.
Ted preached. His innocence during all this havoc saved him. He had no choice but to allow God to move through him. It was amazing to see the love of God pour out of him toward the very ones who were causing him and us so much trouble. It didn't do much for the ones coming against all of us but wow, it was something to watch all the others watch him treat them all with such respect and yet continue to share the Word. All I knew to do was to move around the gazebo til I was standing across from Ted so that he could focus on me and not be too distracted. I prayed under my breath for the Lord to do what He set out to do. That the enemy should not be allowed to get in the way of anyone's salvation or healing.
Saturday, was the community cleanup at the apartments I have Bible study at. Thirty of us met and swept rocks, raked, etc. lady in the red top showed up, sober, with two others from Fridays service. She did not recognize me. We worked side by side, her and I. We got along fine. Jimmy was at the other end of the property. We didn't know what to make of it. Doug brought them and he has been a Rock in their lives for some time now.
Sunday, during worship, in walks Doug with lady in the red top and her husband. She remembered me from the day before. Pastor asked everyone to get into small groups to pray at the end of the service. Lady with the red top just happened to be near me so she and I and another woman took hands and prayed. All I can say is, as I listened to the prayer that flowed out of me for her I was fully aware of God's hand on her life. The love and mercy that went out to her was so amazing. Prayer ended and I thanked her for all her hard work the day before. She told me she was homeless. I told her I knew that, that I am at the Friday morning church in the Park every Friday, that I had seen her there. She said she was so ashamed. I hugged her and prayed that God would take her shame away. She left with tears. I stayed with tears.
Divine connections, handfuls of purpose. A second in the timeline of man intercepted by the Hand of God and I got to be there to see.
Nothing we do is for nothing. Nothing we do should be for nothing. Everything we do should be ordered by the Lord. When all hell breaks loose you can be sure God is on the move and His Feet are kicking up dust wherever He goes. Think about it, think about all you do as routine every day and think about how easy it is for the Lord to step in at any time and touch a heart, heal a mind, set someone free.
Not one resident came to their own community clean up saturday. Not one. BUT three homeless people did knowing there was nothing in it for them. Nothing is for nothing anymore.

Friday morning Church-in-the-Park

Friday-morning-Church-in-the-Park during the summer can be quite unbearable for those of us who have homes and cars with air conditioning. Two hours in the park, even tho' we are under the gazebo and out from under the sun, really wears on us. Fourth of July proved this to be true. There was a haze that the sun shone through and it seemed to magnify the heat. The air was oppressive and it was hard to move at any normal speed. 115 degrees is just plain hot no matter how you look at it.

The homeless ones know how to live out here. They are still. They don't talk much
They appreciate shaded areas and stay in them.

The rec centers here have opened up their doors during the hot hours of the day and provide cold water and a cool place to hang.
Mostly they just find shade. None of them are really comfortable following rules. None of them feel like others want them around. So they like to stay outside where they don't feel trapped.



Yesterday it was not as hot. A group of them sat under a tree while we worshiped and the pastor shared. The others, around 40 of them sat under the gazebo. Barney was there.
Barney is a quiet guy and we always see him sitting on a bench reading when we are on the main street of our town. He reads a lot, stays pretty much to himself. Loves to talk about sports though. Barney will tell sport stories as long as you will stick around and listen. And he is always sober.


'Til today. For the first time in over two years Barney came to service drunk. It kind of caught me off guard. There are a few who will always come drugged out or drunk. But Barney?
I started to think that we are not having an effect on these homeless ones. I started to question why we are still there.
But not for long. It doesn't matter.
What does matter is that we know we are supposed to be faithful to be there every Friday no matter what.
Rain or shine, heat or cold, drunk or sober, friendly or angry, we need to be about our Father's business.
What is so very interesting is the effect this whole church service is having on the people who come to help serve....how their whole insides are being turned around as they realize how judgemental they have been and how God is teaching them to just be servants and see each of them the way God see all of us...helpless without Him, hopeless without the Holy Spirit to live a life acceptable to God. And by being there we are all learning what love really is; yes they have to be fed. Yes they need sunscreen and water and chap stick. And yes, we are to supply all of that. But that is not the goal, that is not the end of it. The goal is to see them find Jesus, and for them to start to understand they are loved, and valuable, and have a purpose, that is the goal.

And then there was Light...(brokenness continued)

II Corinthians4:6-7 says,

" For it is God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone
in our hearts to give
the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But
we have this treasure in earthen vessels..."

The God of Genesis Who commanded "Let there be light" and by His great power our universe began to form; this universe that scientists and scholars spend back-breaking hours to understand and explain; started with light...Before the sun, moon, and stars, God spoke light into its place and set it in time and gave it a name: day!

He did the very same thing in our hearts. Out of dark hearts God commanded light and a whole new universe (the born-again me) began to unfold. And with that light is this concept of 'earthen vessels', 'clay pots' if you will; that we might never think this light comes from our own selves but only from the God of all creation.

The earthen pots were used to cover the torches of Joshua, but that is not what impacted the battle. It was the breaking of the pots to reveal the light of the torches that caused panic and surrender!!!

In me is a light created by God. God is light. Unless I allow who I am to crack apart no one will ever see that light. My relationship with God must produce cracks and holes...and it will if I stop trying to fix me. My wholeness is not about the putting together of a tidy outer shell but it is in allowing the Lord to shine through me - a common vessel.

The light is what will stop others in their tracks. That light is what will bring others to their knees. That light will bring others to Salvation. Not me, not the vessel, but the light.

So often I find myself gluing and taping the cracks, thinking I am doing well. Then He reminds me of what I am and Who He is. He reminds me that at a certain point in battle it is time for Him to crack the pots and allow the light, His light, to penetrate the darkness. That is how darkness is overcome.

My prayer is that I may know Him more and more, that when it is time for cracks and holes I don't panic, I don't resist...more of Him, less of me, amen.

Brokenness

The parking lot by the church on the corner is old. The parking space lines can barely be seen anymore. There are small hills and valleys made by roots from trees that are not close enough to even be seen.

If you drive by just before sundown, when the sun's light is coming at you almost horizontally you can see it. You can see the cracks in the pavement. They are everywhere.

Time and heat and cold and roots have done this.

The parking lot is broken.

But, if you drive by just before sundown, you know, when the light is coming at you almost horizontally you can see more than just the cracks...grass and weeds are growing up through those cracks.

The life that had been hidden and pressed down and buried beneath the tar and asphalt is re-emerging.

Brokenness- it sounds like a negative...

but in the Kingdom it is inevitable. That asphalt and tar covered the earth and its life the way a callous covers a toe, the way crusty old stone stuff covers our hearts.

Until the Lord comes and starts the process of cracking us the life remains hidden beneath that grotesque stuff we have used to 'protect' us for so long.

I love the parking lot by the church...it reminds me of my heart and even though the stuff of life has hammered away at it, I get to see the life that has been hidden for so long coming up through the cracks reaching toward the sun. What had been hidden underneath was no good to anyone until it broke through the cracks...

My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give
praise. ~Psalm 57:7
O God, my heart is fixed; I will sing and give praise, even with
my glory. ~Psalm 108:1
Surely he shall not be moved for ever: the righteous shall be in
everlasting remembrance. He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is
fixed, trusting in the Lord. ~Psalm 112:6&7

...Now I will arise. (Psalm 12.5)

We walked the property of HVillage on Thursday evening recently. Bible study at Gloria's had been cancelled. Gloria was not feeling well. I couldn't stay home so I went over to the Village anyway, not really knowing what to do. After walking around the property for a time just kind of talking to the Lord about what I am doing there, and if maybe this time is over, maybe I should move on to the next place...

I called Tracy and she came to meet me there. We walked and talked and prayed over the place. After a time we ran into one of the moms that live there. She was outside with the baby watching her older ones play. She doesn't venture far from her doorstep, neither do her children. She grew up in this place and now she finds herself living there as a mom. She knows what goes on around here and she is careful to watch where her kids are every minute.

We sat and visited for a while and talked. She had lots of questions, but mostly her questions were about God and was He going to forgive her for some things she had done. She especially wanted to know if God could forgive her for having an abortion. It is bothering her greatly.

That was a week ago....this past Friday at our Park gathering for the homeless ones, I met Sue. I've never seen her before. She is a slight woman, short pixie style hair, icy blue eyes, and thin. She had an accident while she was at the park and was mortified. One of the other serving women took her home, let her shower and gave her a change of clothes. Now here she comes, down the food line toward me. As she holds the plate in her hand the tears come. She says she doesn't want to eat...just can't. Kristina lets Sue know its all right, we all understand. Sue just lets the tears fall. Her plate tips. I take it and offer to carry it back to where ever it is she is sitting.
She has picked a table far from everyone else. It is under a tree. As I sat with her and tried to make some sense of her sadness she turned to me and her sorrow turns to torment as she cries out, "Can God forgive me?, Can He really forgive me?"
I told her that He already has but she was in a strange place, not really hearing anything outside her own torment.
"But", she said, "I've done some really, really bad things. Will He forgive me even if I had abortions?" "Yes", I said, "He already has".
"But..."

Her torment penetrated me to the core. I recognized it. Her desperate place scared me, and all I know is if you don't reach past the torment, if you sit in it and don't grab at the anchor of hope someone is holding out to you you drown.
Sue is in a strange place, for soon after this moment passed, she started to talk about getting baptized and as tormented as she was a second ago she was now elated to the sky.

I think that I didn't reach Sue and I struggle to understand what part I play in all this...What am I doing out here where the pain screams at you as you pass by. Out here where insanity is not hidden, and anger sizzles deep within some of these hearts. I do not know what good I do...but lately I get the feeling that I can't be in any other place.
Russ is still an alcoholic who weeps at the mention of the Lord. Russ loves Jesus dearly. But not enough to walk away from his first love. I don't see some folks anymore who used to come regularly.
And it has been hot, summer in the desert is here once again.
B's birth certificate finally came and now he can get some work. We will see.

I am struck by the two women from two different places both crying out about what they've done. Both lost in the maze of guilt and shame and pain. Both reaching toward a God who they really do not think can handle what they have done.
Jesus came for these ones. Jesus is here. They don't see it yet but He is. He is very near. I want to be there when they finally recognize Him and get it, get that He is greater than their greatest sin, that He has a place for them, that they have value.
So, this journey continues...I take steps, one by one, not really knowing where exactly it is I am going. But very aware that I am walking where I should be.
Kingdom stuff...

He holds the whole world in His Hands...

Found this over at Happy's site and it is AMAZING... Thank you my friend! It is worth every second of your time and I hope it blesses you the way it did me.

Let me know what you think...

Life goes on...

With the entrance of my first grandchild into this world I thought I would take a moment to introduce my family...

In my previous post you already met my son, Jimmy and my son-in-law Kevin.

The first picture is of (l. to r.) Leah, Jimmy, Bekah, and new member Lily Elizabeth. Then comes me and Lily (it was a long day) and then, Daddy Tyson and Lily.

There you have it...

Much has been going on, good good things really. There has not been much time to write. But I should be back up and running shortly. Later...

Posts around Blogtown worthy of some time...

Shaun , a dear friend of Bekah and Tyson, my daughter and son-in-law has written an incredible post inspired by his having to wait with all of us as Bekah and Tyson's first child was coming into this world a few weeks ago. He and God spent time together, and this was wise, for as you can see the other members of my family decided to be creative with surgical gloves while waiting. We all handle waiting differently. Waiting for babies to come, school to end, for a word from the Lord, all have their stresses...silly, tho', to stress...babies come, school ends, and the Lord speaks... all in their perfect time...thanks, Shaun, for words well written.
Today at the Mission has been posting some incredible thoughts here, and here, and here. This last one led me to a post titled First Church of the Blue Haze over at sgworship.
One of my favorites is over at The Stink is Here. Her post on Spare Change was quite an eyeopener for me. She is my daughter, Leah and what I loved about it was the conversation that took place between her, me, and my son Jimmy in the comments section. We probably would never have had this conversation outside of Blogtown. I am glad we took the time to stop and discover eachother.

Please disregard the dates on the pictures...i only just learned that i had to be the keeper of the time...technology, go figure!

For those who glory in their doubting...

If I could tell you anything that I thought would be significant it would be this...you are wasting time trying to intellectualize God...the Bible tells the Truth. We do worship Jesus and it is right, there is sin and it has definition and it separates us from the Father. There is a hell and it is horrible, it was never meant for humans but we choose to travel there. God of the Old Testament is the God of the New. The Law is good , Grace is better, but we live by both. Now the Law is written in our hearts and we don't try to do it, we become it lived out in the world where it wll mean something...others are watching us...they want to know if this Jesus stuff is real...we have turned Him into a laughingstock as we 'ponder' and 'suppose' and 'discuss logically' the pros and cons of believing in Him...this is not honest, it is not righteous.

There is no denying that Jesus made claims that stood the hair of the Political and the Religious community on end...He made claims that bring us to the conclusion He is either God or mad. There is no middle ground.
And if the God we serve is so small as to allow His word to be corrupted then we do not serve the Living God for He has kept His Word. The Bible is the most backed up reliable source of any text in the world and men still wonder at it's stability.

I love Him. I love that He is not affected by the conversations I have been reading lately. I love that His Purpose and Plan for this world will come to pass in spite of our foolishness.

Time is short, I grow weary with the ones who have stepped away from 'the church' and have turned into the very thing they hate.

But I cannot stop reading their posts, for I love them you see, and there are others that I have grown so fond of...and I pray they give in to Him, and serve Him alone, and come to know the Jesus that I know...Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Savior, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Shepherd, Lamb of God, Bread of Life, The Word, the Light of the world, the Baptizer in the Holy Spirit, the Soon and Coming King, the Healer, the Alpha and the Omega, Beginning and the End, my God and Savior, my Comforter, my Master...
I love You, Lord...

The Call

I am not sure what it is exactly that I am called to be doing...I do not know the particulars. But over and over again I hear the call to be under gazebos, out in parks, in the sun and the rain. Have you heard it as well?
Last night, during a worship service, when thinking about what the call is on our lives I saw it. I saw the gazebo where church is on Friday mornings and I saw the look on the faces of the homeless ones when they were being caught up in the air to meet Jesus. They had looks on their faces that expressed joy and wonder at the realization that they were okay, that their wildest hopes of being accepted by God were true. What joy and wonder on those crusty, wrinkled faces. I was filled, truly filled to the brim as I stood in the pew. My heart is out there, somewhere under a gazebo.
Oh to be in His Presence as I walk this earth. O to do what He calls us to. O to just be in the realest of realities, living life in the Kingdom, under the authority of the King, reaching the lost, speaking truth into their lives and establishing a good hope in them and in me.

The Altar

Genesis 33:20- Then he erected an altar there and called it El Elohe Israel (God, the God of Israel).

Up until this point Jacob (now named Israel) has referred to the Lord as the
God of "Someone Else." HE has been the God of Abraham, the God of my father, the Fear of Isaac, etc. Through the years of struggling through his commitments to Laban, even when deceived, somewhere during that time his character was being formed; but not until he struggled all night with God and prevailed did he ever refer to God as being his (Israel's). Now he builds an altar and declares that God is his God as well. He saw God. There it is, that necessary personal encounter with God and now Israel is His!

There seems to always have to be that One on one, Face to face encounter with God that establishes a relationship of 'servant under Almighty'. It is a struggle and a wrestling match to give in to the Truth. It was a struggle with the Lord when I was first saved. There have been other struggles...wrestlings with loyalties and devotions to the wrong things or persons.

Israel called God his God that day. O that all my confrontations with the Lord always end with Him still on His Throne over me.

Pockets of Purpose

When I walked into the Bike shop I have to admit, I felt a little uneasy. Though I had met Kenny and Jen a few times before I had never stopped by to check out their church...a planting of the Lord...right smack dab in a bike shop on a highway. By the time we started there were 25 or so there. Worship began...Helen led with no instruments and a raspy deep voice. There I was, among leather and chains and remnants of cigarette smoke and....I felt at home. Did I fit into their social life? No, can't say that I did, but, we all had one thing in common....we were all there because we love what Jesus has done for us and want to be more like Him in a world that is dying.
I brought Tracy the next week. She does street church in another part of town down the highway some. HUH was there, he is pastor of a Bike club. It seems that there are these pockets of ministry all over this town. And it is very, very neat how God is bringing us all together. Kenny and Huh went to check out Tracy's gathering last Thursday night. They all walked the neighborhood and prayed. They were all blessed that they now know each other. I met HUH at the Friday morning church in the park with the homeless ones. Now I meet up with him at Kenny's. HUH has a group that meets down the road in the back of a beauty shop. I have a gathering at a lady's house over in the Section 8 apartments tucked at the edge of the desert. Lots of moms and babies over there. Women struggling to survive.
So, now, there are these preachers who are discovering they are not alone in this town and I am excited to see what God is going to do with a motley crew like us...

Death by Opinion

John 10:33 ~ The Jews answered Him saying, "For a good work we do not stone You, but for blasphemy, and because You, being a man, make Yourself God."

Their own scriptures taught what Messiah would accomplish. They knew what to watch for. But the veil over their eyes kept them from allowing what they knew to connect with who Jesus really was. He wasn't appearing in the exact way they thought He would and, so, could not (would not) allow themselves to reckon with what they were seeing and hearing. Their cheese was being moved and they refused to accept it. They could not say in their hearts, 'maybe I've been wrong'.

I do myself a great injustice when I set my own opinions as law over reality. All things have to be subjected to the Word and to the fulfilment of that Word. And, I must understand and pray for those who are trapped in living the way those in John 10:31-42 lived- loving darkness more than Truth.

I don't ever want to settle for less than the miraculous, less than the excellent, less than the Truth in any area. Lord, lift any veil that covers my eyes and Lord, lift the veil of those we are trying to reach.

More on worship...

Worship: (shachah) - To bow low.
Deuteronomy 26:1-19: (the Message)

Once you enter the land that God, your God, is giving you as an inheritance and take it over and settle down, you are to take some of all the firstfruits of what you grow in the land that God, your God, is giving you, put them in a basket and go to the place God, your God, sets apart
for you to worship him. At that time, go to the priest who is there
and say, "I announce to God, your God, today that I have entered the land that God promised our ancestors that he'd give to us."
The priest will take the basket from you and place it on the Altar
of God, your God. And there in the Presence of God, your God, you will recite: 5-10 A wandering Aramean was my father, he went down to Egypt and sojourned there, he and just a handful of his brothers at
first, but soon they became a great nation, mighty and many. The Egyptians abused and battered us, in a cruel and savage slavery.
We cried out to God, the God-of-Our-Fathers:
He listened to our voice, he saw our destitution, our trouble, our
cruel plight. And God took us out of Egypt with his strong hand and
long arm, terrible and great, with signs and miracle-wonders.
And he brought us to this place, gave us this land flowing
with milk and honey. So here I am. I've brought the firstfruits
of what I've grown on this ground you gave me, O God.
10-11 Then place it in the Presence of God, your God. Prostrate yourselves in the Presence of God, your God. And rejoice!
Celebrate all the good things that God, your God, has given
you and your family; you and the Levite and the foreigner who lives with you. 12-14 Every third year, the year of the tithe, give a tenth of your produce to the Levite, the foreigner, the orphan, and the widow so that they may eat their fill in your cities. And then, in the Presence of God, your God, say this:

I have brought the sacred share, I've given it to the Levite, foreigner,
orphan, and widow. What you commanded, I've done. I haven't
detoured around your commands, I haven't forgotten a single one.
I haven't eaten from the sacred share while mourning,
I haven't removed any of it while ritually unclean,
I haven't used it in funeral feasts.
I have listened obediently to the Voice of God, my God,
I have lived the way you commanded me. 15 Look down from your holy house in Heaven!
Bless your people Israel and the ground you gave us, just as you
promised our ancestors you would,
this land flowing with milk and honey.
16-17 This very day God, your God, commands you to follow these
rules and regulations, to live them out with everything
you have in you. You've renewed your vows today that God is your God, that you'll live the way he shows you; do what he tells you in the rules, regulations, and commandments; and listen obediently to him.
18-19 And today God has reaffirmed that you are dearly held treasure just as he promised, a people entrusted with keeping his commandments, a people set high above all other nations that he's made, high in praise, fame, and honor: you're a people holy to
God, your God. That's what he has promised.

As they came to offer their first fruits
to the Lord they were instructed to recite their own history and all that the Lord had done in their sight. They were called to recognize that all they had came from God-given land.
The act of giving back to the Lord some of what He had provided for them was
very much an act of WORSHIP. Not only was the giving an act of worship but it
was to be brought with rejoicing and celebration.

The tithe was never meant to be a mere obligation. We are to
come to the Lord, going over what He has done and it should be a cause for great
joy.

Worship, bow low - the very act means that I recognize One Who
is greater than I. It means that I understand which one of us serves the Other.
All that I have I have because He has blessed me. As I bring the offering and
the tithe to Him I am in worship. This time, though, the worship is expressed
with the stuff I live on...sometimes I sing, sometimes I declare His praises.
But I also am called to give.

My faithfulness is worship. My obedience is worship. My songs
are worship. My offering and tithe are worship.

My giving must be done with and in the knowledge that all that I
have is by the Hands of the Gracious God whom I serve. I must guard against
and cast down the thought that anything I have is mine alone.

Bring these words of Yours to my remembrance, O Lord, for in You
and You alone am I able to enjoy any possession. For it is by Your Hand that I
live at all!

Please see my February 8th post...

Published February 09, 2008.

STAFFORD, COLE

Cole Joseph Stafford, 22, passed away Feb. 5, 2008. He was born April 11, 1985, in Las Vegas, and had been a lifelong resident. Cole graduated magna cum laude from Life Pacific College in May, 2007, and married the love of his life, Stacey, the following week. He dedicated his life to serving the Lord, and was the youth pastor at Cornerstone Christian Fellowship, where he left a legacy of faith and testimony through his life to the youth. His life was a tapestry of compassion and giving of himself to others. He gave of himself to missionary work in Africa, Panama, Thailand and Mexico, and gave mercifully to anyone in need. Cole was talented in photography, music and drama. He served his church on the worship team with guitar and drums, and loved to worship his Lord. In his short life, he lived a life that mattered, accomplishing unselfishly his life's dreams and goals. Cole left his thumbprint on the lives of all those he touched with his deep compassion and mercy. We will miss him all the days of our lives. Cole is survived by his wife, Stacey Ann Stafford; his parents, Joseph and Tammy Stafford; his brothers, Derek Stafford, Justin Stafford, Sean Stafford, and Calvin Moore; his sisters, Arielle Stafford and Amy Stafford; grandmother, Jane Stafford; his grandparents, James and Karen Post; in-laws, Gary and Diane Dawes; brother-in-law, Chris Dawes; and innumerable lifelong friends, aunts, uncles, cousins and extended family. Please contact the family regarding services. Donations can be made to Cornerstone Christian Fellowship, Cole Stafford Library, 5825 W. Eldora Ave., Las Vegas, NV 89146.

Our Loss, His Gain

My nephew died on Tuesday. I have met him only twice. We prayed together once. And why we all lived in the same town but never knew eachother is a long and stupid story. Cole Joseph Stafford (22 years old) loves Jesus. He loves his family and he loves his wife and he loves the kids he pastored.

There was a service for him on Wednesday night. Not a funeral, not anything like that...it was a love gathering for all who knew and were touched by him. It was the family of God, the Body of Christ working properly, crying and laughing and remembering and most of all, with the ripping pain going on inside each and every one of us there was worship in the highest form...as we lifted our voices out of the pain into His Presence we knew this was a Cole and God moment. We could only imagine the holiness of the meeting between the two as Cole was able to see the One Whom he loved so dearly.

I love the church, the body of Christ. When all is said and done, the criticisms, the disputes, the rallying around one doctrine or another, when all is said and done we know what to do and Who to run to. It has been a long time since I have been witness to the loving arms of the body cradling on of the hurting ones as I did Wednesday night.

I love You, Lord. I love that You remain calm in the midst of our storms...that Your Steadiness and Assuredness of what You do is never shaken by our doubts or fear or pain. I love that You put up with us and I love that You still bless us with Your Overwhelming Presence to lead us through this wilderness...

My prayer is for Stacy, Cole's wife of nine months, that the Grace I saw on her this week continue to envelope her, that the Lord keep her from despair. And for Cole's dad, Joe, who loves his children so much, that he too live in the majestic Presence of the Almighty, that he find his way through this loss.

And for the kids he shepherded...his children in the Lord, that they do Cole proud by serving our great God with passion and fire...and for his brothers and sisters, that they run to Him Who is Able, and find Him.

And for his pastor, who loves him like his own son...

May the God of all peace and grace and mercy fill them with the most astounding awareness of Himself...

good-bye Cole...

Worship so far...

I found Jesus in Las Vegas. I knew about Him, I had seen my friends change as they gave their lives to Him during the Jesus Movement in the late 60's and early 70's. I knew He was real, but I never imagined He would want anything to do with the likes of me. I didn't fit into the 'good girl' category.
I ended up in Vegas, that was in '73. After many more bad decisions and dangerous escapades I found Jesus. Funny, He was there, waiting for me. I had come to the end of myself. There were no more things to try, nothing more to do. Everything had failed. Praise God!
But I digress...Here I was, a Brooklyn girl out west, totally passionate about Jesus and a friend drove me out of town to a small church. When we walked through the doors I heard the singing, all these people with their hands raised, singing in the Spirit with the most melodious harmonies. Pastor and a few others were up on the platform with their acoustic guitars. You couldn't hear them. It wasn't about them. The whole church was the choir and the gentleness, the harmonies, the languages, filled my senses and I wept. I had never experienced anything like that ever. My friend led us to a seat. Everyone stood around me. I was overwhelmed with the Presence of God, the gentleness of His Spirit, I recognized it immediately and in my heart I knew I was home. I had never felt at home anywhere up until that point.
That was in June of 1978. I had given my life to the Lord that March, March 9th to be exact. I was baptized in the jacuzzi in the apartments where I lived.
Worship, what is it? It has something to do with music for sure. It was the musicians who went out first when Israel was sent by the Lord to go in and take the land the He had given them. It is service. It is the one ministry that ministers not to the body, though we are affected by it, but it is a ministry wholly unto the Lord. We minister to Him when we worship.
Scripture says that God inhabits the praises of His people. So it is during worship I find myself face to face with the living God. It is here that I hear Him talking to me, showing me what He needs me to see. It is here, in His Presence, that I am safe, and in great health, and right.
Worship is the outward expression of my love for God. My obedience to Him, my service to Him and to others at His Command. Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all.
It is all about Him, this worship thing. It is Ruth laying at the feet of Boaz, it is David pouring out the drink his men risked their lives to bring to him, it is Joseph silently being wrongfully accused, the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears,etc. It is the Psalmists singing, clapping, playing instruments and telling of the great things of God. it is Moses holding his hands in the air so that the Israelites could win, his hands get weary and Israel begin to lose the battle. Aaron and Hur come alongside him and help him do what God commanded him to do by holding up his hands for him. Worship. it is my whole life laid bare before Him, with the understanding that
'I am not my own, I was bought with a price
I am purchased with the precious Blood of Jesus Christ
All my debt's been paid by His sacrifice
Hallelujah to the Lamb who redeems my life.'

And not being my own, I must, in every thing, look to Him for direction, guidance, consent, validation, worth, satisfaction, courage, strength, patience, endurance, everything.That I know to do this is worhip for it reveals what I think abbout Him. If I can't trust Him, if He is not my Lord, if I don't look to Him for my very life, I am not a worshiper.

As I go now to the Park and have church with the homeless ones, or to the projects to do a craft with the kids, or try to help a young mom get her baby's paperwork in order, I worship and it is worship because I would never have thought to do any of this without the leading of my God. It is not in me to venture in to dangerous places and build relationships. I am more comfortable alone. But that being the case, He is showing me that what good is a great worship song if it is being sung by me if I am in the same breath refusing to go where He wants me to go and do what He wants me to do. Listen,
The worshippers who lead the battles in Israel would have accomplished nothing if they had built a platform and performed greatly. As they sang and made their music they MARCHED IN FRONT of the ones who would do the battle. They were on the front lines of service.
I will sing always, it is what I do best when it comes to expressing myself. But I tell ya, it is not enough for me anymore. I must also march...

Under Construction...

Sorry for the silence. I still plan on writing about worship, but not now, now is not the time....

I want to write but there are no words and so, instead of forcing the issue I find I must face the fact that the Lord would have me be silent for a moment...

Certified Organic

Organic- that is the only word I find fits what is happening on Friday mornings. Organic, not as in no pesticides or chemicals, not that kind. Organic like a seedling growing into a tree, a flower making way for a pear, an earthworm aerating the soil...you know, organic.

Last Friday, as Jimmy led us all in a few worship songs, one of the men came and knelt under the gazebo, on the cold dirty cement which caused many more including me to worship on our knees. Even Connie, the lady who makes the soup every week came and knelt.(her knees locked for a bit and she couldn't get up so the men came and held her up 'til she could stand). As the sun beat on my face and the cold air swept through my clothes the tears just came.

We were a church in the most organic sense...a living, breathing organism whispering the song to the Lord under the gazebo. All sense of 'being watched' vanished as we became one body. O for a month of Fridays...
Today two men gave their lives to the Lord. They came and prayed with Jimmy.
R. was there today. He doesn't look good. The whites of his eyes are very yellow. He is suffering with his seizures. He cries when we tell him how much he is loved by God and by us. But he is trapped in an addiction that is taking his life...what will happen to R? He lost his mom recently and has never been able to cope with it. Pray for R, please...the enemy of our souls must not win. Will you stand with me as I fight for R. in the spirit?

A lady came today for the first time...I will call her C. A dear friend who was with me today knows her and she told me a little about C's life. Many years ago one of her daughters died by accidental drowning. C broke and was never the same. She has a fierce love for the Lord. Her husband is very abusive. C did not come because she is homeless. She has a home and a family. I do not know why she was there today but we got to pray with her as she released some things to the Lord. A minute later, while we were not paying attention she was gone.

If I could, there would be churches like this one all over this town. I can't make it happen but I am stirred to get very quiet again that I may hear Him....there is hope for the lost and I want to be there when they grasp it.
In my next post I am leaning towards sharing my heart concerning worship...I have been in a conversation with a friend about this and thought I would jot down what has been developing from that.
Til then, bless...